Introduction to LGBTQ+ Studies A Cross-Disciplinary Approach LGBTQ+ Relationships and Families

Part Relationships , Families , and Youth Relationships and Families Sarah Young and Sean LEARNING OBJECTIVES Upon completion of this chapter , students will be able to do the following Explain the social construction of sex , gender , and sexuality . Describe the ways that people form relationships and the configurations of relationships . Describe the myths that exist regarding the quality of relationships and the research that refutes those myths . Describe how people struggle for social justice within ical of inequality . Describe some of the negative consequences of homophobia , and minority stress and the ways people manage those consequences . Identify different types of family formations , ing challenges to family formation and family building . Describe sources of stress and buffers for families and for individuals within their families of origin . Analyze how key social institutions shape , and force structures of inequality . Describe challenges that some families have in interacting with public and private systems , including legal , health care and human services , and educational systems . 267

268 Introduction to Studies Describe the relationship between history , political activism , and studies . Articulate the queer viewpoint on relationships and families . INTRODUCTION This chapter provides an overview of research and practice relating to families , relationships , and parenting . It describes the definitions people have for family and the relationships individuals have with their families of origin . It investigates how minority stress , family acceptance , and rejection affect these relationships . The chapter discusses how people form intimate relationships , how people in these relationships navigate established ( often discriminatory ) social and legal systems , and how recent social and legal changes ( marriage equality ) affect these relationships . It talks about the nature and of families headed by people that include children and the ways that people become parents . It reviews the changing legal landscape as it relates to parenting and family building and some of the challenges these families face when interacting with legal systems , health care and human services providers , and . The section considers what it means to come out as to ones children . Each section also critically explores the relevant , challenges existing myths , and identifies resources and organizations that support families . It is difficult to quantify how many people in the United States are in relationships . US . census data give us some idea , although the numbers are likely . The census counted approximately million adults ( percent of the adult population ) who identify as and million adults ( percent of the US . adult population ) who identify as transgender Of those , approximately million are in marriages ( totaling couples ) and million are part of an unmarried relationship ( totaling couples ) WHAT IS A RELATIONSHIP ?

The word ' can refer to many types of social interactions . research typically focuses on interpersonal relationships , which are deep , close relationships between two or more people . These ships are sometimes described in other ways , as a friendship , a couple ,

Relationships and Families 269 or a marriage . Research exploring interpersonal relationships is often centered on intimate or sexual relationships that are described as a partnership , a couple , a marriage , or just a relationship . HOW DO RELATIONSHIPS FORM ?

Relationships vary in the internal and external resources that strengthen the relationship , contributing to the of the members in the relationship , and that help them cope with the stressors they have to confront both as individuals and as a couple . The availability of external resources is a changing landscape for couples . For example , research has demonstrated that gay men , lesbians , and looking for mates in what they term a thin market more likely to rely on the internet to a partner ?

A nationally representative longitudinal survey , How Couples Meet and Stay Together ( of over four thousand adults found that , on average , although heterosexual and couples reported meeting primarily through friends , trends since 2009 suggest that the number of couples meeting online from both groups is increasing , but couples are more likely to meet online than couples . QUEER RESISTANCE Some relationships , with or without children , follow the expected norms regarding monogamy and exclusivity . Some relationships queer , or stray from , traditional heteronormative relationship norms , to include polyamorous relationships ( three or more committed partners ) parent families ( often two women partners raising children with a male platonic friend who is the biological father ) or platonic partnering ( often a queer man and woman who are friends and partner to raise a child ) these relationships can certainly lead to burdens , including and discrimination from external sources . On the other hand , they can also bring strengths , including freedom , creativity , and a family or relationship that is to the people involved ( A study of a thousand gay men in Britain found that approximately 40 percent were or had been in an open relationship . In a study of gay male couples in the San Francisco Bay Area , agreements guiding open relationships varied considerably among gay male couples , with most heteronormative A societal belief that makes heterosexuality the default and assumes that everyone is heterosexual until proved otherwise normalizing heterosexuality and any other identity or experience apart from heterosexuality . polyamorous The practice of , or desire for , intimate relationships with more than one partner , with the consent of all partners involved . A polyamorous family is one made up of more than two sexual or romantic partners and their dependent children .

270 Introduction to Studies nonmonogamous relationships Deep , close , relationships between two or more people who may engage consensually in sexual activities with others outside the relationship . AIDS The acronym formed from acquired immune syndrome , a chronic disease caused by the HIV virus that has disproportionately affected the community ( particularly gay men , bisexual men , trans women , and men who have sex with men ) Figure . The polyamory logo of a heart entwined with an infinity symbol . Public domain , having rules or conditions regarding sex . A related study found that about equal numbers reported having agreements to allow sex with people outside the relationship ( 47 percent ) and agreements to be monogamous ( 45 percent ) with some ( percent ) reporting . Other studies have found slightly higher levels of monogamy ( percent ) and fewer couples reporting open relationships ( percent ) and some relationships ( percent ) or discrepant relationships ( in which partners do not agree on whether they are in an open or monogamous relationship percent ) One study reported even higher rates of agreement to be monogamous ( 74 percent ) Interestingly , most people maintain a strong bias in favor of relationships , viewing them more favorably than consensual monogamous relationships in terms of their potential for providing relationship and sexual satisfaction . Monogamous relationships are also seen as more likely to preserve sexual health . However , little evidence exists to support these views . Most couples have little assurance that their partners remain faithful forever , and there is little evidence that are less likely to practice safer sex . These widespread biases negative media representations and the views of mental health providers and politicians . The AIDS epidemic fueled the study of sex among men who have sex with men , but there are fewer studies of the sexual of lesbian and bisexual female couples . The Ultimate Lesbian Sex Survey , conducted by the online magazine , asked types who sleep with about their relationship agreements . Of the over people who completed the survey , 56 percent reported being in a monogamous relationship , 15 percent in a nonmonogamous relationship , and 29 percent reported not being in a relationship . When

Relationships and Families 271 asked about their preferred type of relationship , 62 percent said amy , 22 percent said mostly monogamy , percent said open relationship , percent polyamory , and the rest a range of other , such as triad , and do ask , do tell . RELATIONSHIP QUALITY The of relationship studies is an that includes but is not limited to psychology , social psychology , social work , and and family therapy . Before 2015 this field was not uniformly open to the study of couples , but it now is an important site of inquiry about relationship quality , longevity , and impact . Much of the literature on relationship quality focuses on comparing people dating , cohabitation , and marriage pathways and experiences with heterosexual people . This work has repeatedly found that relationships experience the same level of satisfaction compared with relationships and that similar variables predict stability and overall satisfaction in these The outcome of this research has shown repeatedly that relationships are just as well adjusted as their heterosexual counterparts and experience similar stressors . Figure . Polyamory at San Francisco Pride march 2004 .

272 Introduction to Studies However , people , as stigmatized minorities , experience higher rates of mental and physical health challenges , such as mood and anxiety disorders , compared with heterosexual and minority stress Health disparities often found in minority groups can be in part This unique stress , called minority stress , affects those in by the relationships both internally ( internalized ) and externally they endure , and this ( experiences of discrimination ) and has a negative effect on relationship discrimination causes quality and satisfaction ( One way to explain the connection is stress and illness that internalized stigma increases the likelihood for experiencing Meyer developed this sion , and depression produces stress on a In one sample of 142 gay men , trust in relationships was by experiences of discrimination when measuring overall relationship satisfaction . In this internalized . same sample , those with lower internalized had a greater . sense of commitment and higher levels of relationship that an individual believes and therefore replicates and incorporates internally . circumstances in the Environment . Minority status sexual orientation gender coping and Social Support ( community and individual ) Minority Street i . Mental Health ( outcomes prejudice events negative ( discrimination , violence ) positive ( expectations of rejection concealment internalized homophobia characteristics of Identity prominence valence integration Identity ( gay . lesbian , bisexual ) KEV Indicates Outcome Au or weakens Im act ' represent interdependency outcome Figure . Minority stress process in lesbian , gay , and bisexual populations . Public domain , Centers for Disease Control and Prevention .

Relationships and Families 273 This stress provides unique challenges for couples and , compared with their straight and counterparts . couples often have to navigate judgment and rejection from their families of origin and in systems , including employment and faith communities . As mentioned earlier , couples ( polyamorous couples ) may face even more relationship scrutiny from ers , although the impact of such scrutiny remains in the research . Additional factors that affect heterosexual and ships also affect relationships , including dating violence and divorce . Prevalence of dating violence among adolescents , although not as robust a line of inquiry as for heterosexual youth and adults , is higher than national averages for all adolescents . In addition , dating violence in adolescence appears to predict its perpetuation into college years , as well as other behaviors ( such as not using condoms ) that put these youth at risk as they enter adulthood . Thus the and prevention of relationship and dating violence with communities is important . Some researchers and practitioners theorize that the lack of consistent and positive role models and inclusion of healthy relationships in sex education curricula and from ents and mentors creates a vacuum of information on negotiating healthy relationships , particularly for Thus , one way to improve relationship quality for couples and families is to ensure an inclusive curriculum and access to information that includes queer and families across the lifespan . Those who enter the normative relationship of legal marriage may later opt to seek a legal divorce . Although the process of initiating a Explore Do a Google Images search ( for . Take note of what you see in the results . What types of relationships are represented ?

What types of relationships or identities discussed in this section are not represented ?

What types of issues that are important to ships are in the images ?

What image would you design for your ideal ?

274 Introduction to Studies divorce has become a fairly equal process between and couples , rates of divorce may be different . In several studies in the United Kingdom , lesbians were twice as likely to seek a divorce compared with gay men . In reporting on these statistics , one sociologist theorized that higher rates of divorce among queer and lesbian women can be explained by women entering commitment sooner and having higher standards for the relationship WHAT IS A FAMILY ?

For some , family refers to a social unit of two people , most often a man and a woman , who live together , share resources , and are raising children ( or plan to reproduce and raise children ) figure ) However , family actually describes many types of social organizations . It can refer to groups of people organized by kinship and designations like parents , siblings , cousins , and aunts or well Figure . A bronze statue in the garden of the Palace of Nations in Geneva , Switzerland , titled Family , representing two parents and a baby . SA Ben .

Relationships and Families 275 as those , regardless of kinship , who live together , share resources , or care for each Nuclear family , family , extended family , family of choice , and blended family are terms used to describe different types of families . Indeed , the effort to understand the meaning and function of family is a central goal of many of the social sciences . Families serve varied functions , including reproducing and providing for children , regulating sexuality and gender by communicating and forcing social norms , and transmitting cultural knowledge . However , the particular functions and purpose of family also vary across cultures and can change over time . For example , the Western notion of family changed as populations moved from and to industrial factories and into cities . Whereas farming relied on the family to create the labor necessary for maintenance of land , the production of necessary goods , and ultimately the survival of its tive members , the family in the cities that blossomed under industrial capitalism became a more affective or intimate relational unit that can also serve as a source of individual IN FAMILIES Like heterosexual relationships , relationships form within the culturally social norms that organize sexuality and pair bonding in a society in a particular historical context . Modern relationships , however , exist within a heteronormative context that privileges relationships , organizes expectations in a way that forces those expectations , and desire , love , and pair bonding . Additionally , also reinforces the ideal ( although not always the practice ) of sexual and romantic monogamy , links family authenticity with the presence of children , and implies the need to adhere to patriarchal ideals for the division of domestic labor , sex roles , and often even the vows and covenants made between partners . WHAT ARE FAMILIES ?

These contested of family vary considerably across time and cultural context but have always understanding of families ( Researchers investigating the of for people in the United States found that included a broad range of understandings . They describe an model , family quite broadly as and couples with or without children , regardless of marital A moderate model nuclear family A couple and their dependent children typically assumed to be a heterosexual couple . family A family ( typically one parent with a dependent child or children ) extended family The kin or relatives outside the nuclear or family may include aunts , uncles , cousins , grandparents , or others related by blood or marriage . family In the context of human society , a group of people related by either consanguinity ( by recognized birth ) by marriage or other relationship ) coresidence ( as implied by the etymology , from the Latin familia ) or some combination of these . family of choice A deliberately chosen group of people that the typical role of family as a support system . These people may or may not be related to the person who chose them . blended family A couple with children from previous relationships .

276 Introduction to Studies Figure . Two fathers with their son . Kurt Educational Center International Team . family as all households with children , including households . Finally is the exclusionary view , family as a heterosexual married couple with children . Other important aspects of family are the characteristics it serves , such as relationship quality , commitment , care , love , or in the case of , whatever it means to 21 Research has also explored the boundaries of family , proposing the idea of and voluntary kin . Chosen families are as related friends who exist somewhere between the realm of friends and kin . who perform a surrogate role , often in for family members who are missing due to distance , abandonment or death . 23 It has been suggested that chosen families are more common among marginalized However , use of the term chosen family may vary by class and race . White people are more likely to use the term , and people of color are less likely to use it but also less likely to use exclusionary of family in FAMILY SUPPORT AND Family support and acceptance is an important psychological resource that can an individual in a number of ways (

Relationships and Families 277 It improves one sense of , increasing optimism and positive Unfortunately , supportive and nurturing family is not the reality for all people . Most families exist within a social context by and prejudice . some families are able to resist and embrace family members , and some , although initially challenged by the idea that a family member is , are able to resist or overcome their prejudices and accept those members . For others , and prejudice are too pernicious and may manifest as hostility , rejection , and even violence . FAMILY STRESSORS Rejection by family members of one sexual orientation , gender identity , or gender expression can affect the health and wellness of people who identify as . According to Caitlyn Ryan at the Family Project , this rejection can include violence like hitting , slapping , or physically hurting the youth because of his or her identity , excluding youth from family events and family activities , and pressuring the youth to be more ( or less ) masculine or people whose families reject their sexual orientation , gender identity , or gender expression have higher rates of suicide across their Figure . Sign at a Pride event . Bias that suggests that heterosexuality , or heterosexual relationships , are superior to any other relationships ( queer , gay , lesbian )

278 Introduction to Studies resilience An individual ability to recover , or bounce back , from a stressful or traumatic experience . thriving The condition of individuals who experience a stressful or traumatic event and who not only bounce back but as a result of the event . lifetime , higher rates of depression , and greater risk of HIV infection pared with those who report higher levels of acceptance by their FAMILY BUFFERS Family acceptance lessens some aspects of minority such as the distress and negative feelings that may be associated with sexual orientation . youth with accepting families report greater acceptance of their own sexual identity , less internalized homophobia , higher , more social support , better overall physical and tal health , less substance abuse , and lower risk of suicide . Support from one family may also contribute to individual resilience and thriving . Many of these effects continue across the lifespan ?

Increasing the acceptance by families , decreasing their rejecting behaviors , and assisting family members of people to understand the root causes of their reactions to their queer children will improve the health of people . Acceptance includes behaviors that support a youth identity even though you may feel uncomfortable , connect youth with an adult role model , and work to make your religious congregation supporting of members or a faith community that welcomes your family and Much of this research has focused on the role of parents in demonstrating acceptance , and less is known about the role of siblings , grandparents , and other extended family . Promising research is showing the importance of siblings and grandparents in the lives of people ?

Some families experience feelings of loss , grief , and shame , among others , when they find they have family members . Loss and grief may result from feeling that they have to give up more ideals of marriage or grandchildren for their child . Shame may be related to either latent or blatant bias and the fear of being judged by others for having an family member . Outside resources may allow families to process their feelings separate from their family members . An important organization supporting the experiences of families with family members is ( formerly known as Parents , Families , and Friends of Lesbians and Gays ) was started in the United States in 1973 by a mother publicly supporting her gay son and has expanded to over two hundred thousand members in four hundred Using a approach of advocacy , cation , and support , chapters across the United States function largely as support groups for families and friends to process their feelings and to shift to becoming advocates for their loved ones (

Relationships and Families Explore is one of the oldest and national ( and now national ) organizations devoted to supporting people and their families . Explore the website ( and the support , education , and advocacy available there for people , their families , and their allies . Pick one resource and describe it in detail . Why do you think this would be an important resource ?

What is the history of , and how has it made a for people ?

What is its basic philosophy ?

How do resources help you better understand the types of family formations and strategies to build families ?

RESEARCH WITH FAMILIES Researchers interested in better understanding families and face challenges , such as identifying those who are in sex relationships or couples , recruiting samples of adequate size , and 279 Figure . The contingent at San Francisco Pride 2004 .

280 Introduction to Studies nonmonogamous families Couples who have children and who engage consensually in sexual activities with other adults outside each couple . adequately representing racial , gender , and sexuality diversity within the population . Because people continue to face discrimination from their birth families , places of employment , and communities and ongoing threats from social and legal institutions , some may be hesitant to reveal their identities or relationships . Because marriage has been legal in the United States only since 2015 and the means of relationship formation have been actively shifting , records available to researchers are limited or Also , a great deal of research that is to people relies on exclusionary heteronormative of family that limit families to those conforming to a traditional heterosexual model or that suggest ideal families are those that attempt to conform to those exclusionary models . These may result in the additional of families that fail to conform to these ( chosen families , families without children , nonmonogamous families , or polyamorous families ) In addition , such research often focuses on white families , neglecting queer families of color , queer families , and other families situated at the intersection of multiple systems of FAMILIES WITH CHILDREN Although not all families include children , becoming parents can be an important goal for many . Research has suggested that a wide range of motivations push people to become parents , including emotional bonding , personal , giving and receiving love , continuing the family line , and not being alone later in life . Other reasons include one partner wanting to become a parent or a need to feel complete . Lesbian mothers and gay fathers have reported many of the same motivations for becoming parents , but these motivations may be shaped by the unique context of parenthood . For example , a study of the parenting motivations of gay fathers found that some were motivated by the desire to instill tolerance in their children , thereby creating a more tolerant Approximately 48 percent of women and 20 percent of men under age are raising Some are doing so as part of a couple and some as single parents . In addition , approximately million children in the United States have a parent who is , and approximately have parents who are part of a relationship ( as either couples or single parents )

Relationships and Families 281 HOW ARE FAMILIES WITH CHILDREN FORMED ?

families with children are created several ways . Some may become parents while in a heterosexual relationship , and they come out later in life . Some may be in a relationship with a member of the other sex , but identify as bisexual or . Others may identify as , be in a relationship , and become parents through the use of assisted reproductive technology , surrogacy , adoption , or foster PARENTS COMING OUT AS Because of societal pressure and expectations , people of older may have entered relationships with a different sex partner to avoid admitting their sexual orientation , to avoid stigma and be accepted , or to have children at a time when options for ple were unimaginable for most . Children reactions to parents coming out as range from disbelief and shock to blaming the other parent for the person changed identity , to feelings of acceptance and Figure . A couple with their children at San Francisco Gay Pride , 2008 . Caitlin Childs .

282 Introduction to Studies Some adult children report feeling closer to their parent now that they Many of these reactions are mediated by the child age and developmental stage at the time of disclosure . In fact , some experts on family communication now suggest that coming out to one children is about strengthening and deepening the relationship , not divulging a dark Parents who come out as transgender face experiences similar to those of their counterparts ( challenges disclosing their sexuality and gaining acceptance from children , and current partners , and extended family members ) but also different . First , the child age may reaction to the disclosure . The younger the children are , the more their thinking and the easier they adapt to the news . Second , those who have a similar experience coming out as transgender to their children may be difficult . A transgender parent often needs to connect with other transgender parents in similar circumstances to support . Third , many transgender parents report that their relationships with their children were the same or better after disclosing their identity than they were before Gay and lesbian may also have needs and challenges distinct from either straight families or gay and lesbian families with In addition to the challenges of forming a , gay and lesbian individuals often have to negotiate whether , how , and whom to come out to and assess the impact of coming out on both the individual and the family . with a or partner can range from supportive to antagonistic and can acknowledge or ignore the person new partner or spouse . MYTHS ABOUT PARENTING AND CHILDREN IN FAMILIES Myths associated with parenting and the experiences of children raised by parents have negatively the decisions of parents and interactions with legal and social services These myths include concerns that children raised by parents or in households will experience disruptions in their der identity development or in their gender role behaviors or that they will become gay or lesbian themselves . Other myths suggest these children will have more mental health and behavioral problems will experience problems in their social relationships and experience more stigmatization , teasing , and bullying and are more likely to be sexually abused by their parents or parent friends . Research has soundly refuted all these myths .

Relationships and Families 283 The psychologist Charlotte Patterson conducted some of most cited research debunking the negative myths about parenting . Her research has explored the behavioral adjustment , and sex role behaviors of children raised in households , concluding that more than two decades of research has failed to reveal important differences in the adjustment or development of children or adolescents reared by couples compared to those reared by 45 She points out that the quality of family relationships is the most important predictor of healthy child development . A review exploring the implications and fitness of parenting for children found that , across studies , the most common myths about impaired emotional functioning , greater likelihood of a homosexual sexual tion , greater stigmatization by peers , role behavior and identity , poor behavioral adjustment , and impaired cognitive were simply not true . Children raised by lesbian moms and gay dads were no more likely to experience negative outcomes than children raised by heterosexual parents ( figure ) Figure . Gay couple and child at San . Francisco Gay Pride 2008 . Caitlin Childs .

284 Introduction to Studies stereotypes Negative , positive , or neutral beliefs about the members of a group that are often unsubstantiated . attitudes Positive or negative affective evaluations of someone or something . assimilationist Fixing the system from within , trying to into the status quo integrating . Both the myths about parents and their children and the research refuting the myths have found their way into the family courts . Prejudicial attitudes and stereotypes describing lesbian moms and irresponsible gay dads have historically been used in custody cases to justify punitive court decisions . Research that establishes the of parents has been in custody cases , and Patterson herself has served as an expert witness in numerous custody and other court families lives are shaped by the powerful social forces of and . These forces can policy and law , including family court cases , so there is a continuing need for unbiased and rigorous studies on family formation and the developmental and social outcomes for children in these families . NAVIGATING AND CHANGING SYSTEMS AND INSTITUTIONS Some people and their allies have seized the moment of societal change by trying to change systems from within , private sector corporations to be much more open and agile in response to their needs than public institutions . To not lose customers or employees because of sentiment , many corporations are opting to strengthen workplace policies and Such policies include equal spousal and partner health care , transgender health care , bathrooms , and nondiscrimination policies that provide protections for sexual orientation , gender identity , and gender expression ( To capture the progress being made in the private sector , the Human Rights Campaign rates corporations in their annual Corporate Equality Index . Described as a tool on corporate policies and practices pertinent to lesbian , gay , transgender , and queer employees , these ratings are often used by corporations to demonstrate openness and ' These corporate workplace gains haven come without criticism , however . Some have voiced concerns that private sector openness to communities is really just a way of manipulating workers into complacency by keeping employees happy and exploiting their need to seek meaning through their job . These policies can mask labor and exploitative practices , thereby creating the perfect marriage of capitalism and personal These corporate policies and practices are often described as is , a strategy that strives for access to those in power and is rooted in an and approach to political change . 51

Relationships and Families 285 Other institutional change from within has occurred in health care and human services agencies . The National Association of Social Workers expressed its support in 2002 for allowing couples to foster and adopt and has repeatedly issued professional support for example , in 2013 and 2015 in relation to Supreme Court In 2004 , the American Medical Association issued a similar statement supporting adoption , and in 2012 , issued support for civil marriage . In 2013 , the American Academy of Pediatricians expressed its support for allowing couples to marry and to become foster and adoptive parents . Other professional groups ( for example , the ican Psychiatric Association and the American Counseling Association ) have followed suit . Collectively , these statements recognize that combating discrimination against families is important , discrimination is itself a public health issue , and families should receive professional and unbiased care and services . PARENTING AND FAMILY BUILDING Family and adoption rights are one way that parents are against if they have biological children , want to adopt , or want Figure . A 2018 rally in support of protecting access to health care for the transgender community . Ted )

286 Introduction to Studies Watch Watch Positive Things to Say to a Queer Family Trying to Conceive ( A doula based in Brooklyn , New York , advises viewers how to positively interact with a queer family that is trying to conceive . What is your biggest takeaway from this advice ?

Was there anything that surprised you or made you curious to learn more ?

Explore one of the resources that how does it deepen your understanding of the issues ?

How does ?

What advice about did you helpful ?

access to infertility treatment . Only states actively ban discrimination based on sexual orientation and gender identity for foster and adoptive parents , an additional three states ban discrimination based on sexual orientation , and ten states have laws that allow discrimination against prospective foster parents . Most states are largely silent on the topic , opening up a range of treatment toward adopting , from active discrimination that is based in law to Little change has been made to recognize parents despite the overwhelming evidence that being raised in an family is not inherently harmful or destructive to the Numerous studies have , however , documented the health and stress impacts of unequal laws on families that are headed by couples . For instance , should a child fall ill , a parent who is not legally recognized may be excluded from making medical decisions or may be separated from their child during an emergency because they are not recognized by medical staff as a parent or guardian . Unnecessary legal hurdles and simultaneous societal discrimination against households appear to be the root of stress , not the parents LEGAL SYSTEMS couples report navigating many legal challenges that vary depending on how the couple structures their family . Interviews with parents in California found that the law affected their lives and decisions in three dominant arenas ( how to have children ,

Relationships and Families 287 where to live , and ( how their family was ( or was ) Although some legal protections exist nationally , legal protections for families vary widely by state , highlighting the need to carefully consider the three arenas when determining how to best protect one family . polyamorous couples who wish to have their entire family recognized and legally protected face numerous challenges , the biggest being that in almost all states and countries you may designate only one spouse in a legal marriage . These designations often mean that amorous couples can not obtain health insurance for all their spouses or HEALTH CARE AND HUMAN SERVICES PROVIDERS couples , with or without children , report unequal treatment in health care and human services care compared with their heterosexual and peers . For couples seeking health care for their children , invisibility , or not being recognized by health care providers as a family unit , is one barrier to quality health care . A survey of nursing and medical students found that 69 percent did not directly ask about the relationship among family members or were unsure if they should directly ask if the two adults were a couple responsible for the child receiving Not being seen and legitimized as a family unit is stressful to the couple and can also complicate care if one parent is not recognized as a guardian or is left out of processes . Supportive and affirming policies , practices , and professionals are particularly needed to serve the aging community . The aging population is underserved and experiences higher risk of cal issues compared with their heterosexual Having higher need , combined with stigma from health care providers , leads to unsatisfactory and unequal treatment in care . Couples who are aging and require care often report anxiety about how they will be treated by staff and whether they will be seen , treated , and respected as a One study found that over half of elder adults were opposed to assisted living , and 80 percent were opposed to care because of fear of discrimination , including how their partner would be treated and whether their advance directives for health care would be recognized and Discrimination from human services providers in care and has long been of concern . For example , people in general and couples in particular face bias and outright

288 Introduction to Studies marriage equality The recognition of sex marriage as a human and civil right , as well as recognition by law and support of societal institutions . crimination when trying to adopt a child from foster care or through a social services agency . A survey of 169 diverse gay and lesbian parents found that over were not emotionally supported when they were seeking to adopt ( their adoption worker did not express support for them ) in contrast to the experience of straight adopting couples , and nearly 15 percent felt very stressed when coming out as lesbian or gay to their adoption worker , fearing that it would limit their chances of having a child placed in their SCHOOLS AND EDUCATORS families with children interact with education systems with ing degrees of support for their families and identities . Challenges may include being treated differently from straight and parents , not having their family structures represented in the curriculum , and not having both parents respected as equal parents when decisions need to be made about their child . In addition , some parents have described trying to help their children explain their family structure ( I have two dads ) to other children at school , which is especially when the classroom lacks cultural competency . These challenges can have a negative effect on the of and their children . College teaching and education programs need to place greater emphasis on training future educators , before they enter the classroom , in how to demonstrate cultural competence when working with TRENDS AND CHANGES IN THE LEGAL LANDSCAPE As Patterson and colleagues have pointed out , today quickly shifting legal landscapes regarding relationships , marriage equality , reproductive technologies , and foster parenting and adoption by individuals have brought challenges but also promise for improving the lives of families . However , these advances remain vulnerable to changing attitudes and political majorities . After marriage equality became law through the landmark Hodges ( 2015 ) ruling by the US . Supreme Court , state legislatures began considering legislation to limit its , and court cases based on the right to religious freedom try to reverse gains . The future legal landscape for people appears

Relationships and Families 289 STRATEGIES FOR CHANGE QUEER CAUTIONS AND RESISTANCE communities , and the families that form within the community , are not monolithic . Therefore , any discussion of family within such a diverse and intersectional community will be a complicated one . For some people , the movement recent emphasis on approaches to social change , such as for access to institutions like marriage , is misguided and actually privilege heterosexuality over queer lives . Some highlight the diverse and creative ways that people create families , emphasizing the importance of choosing families and raising concerns about laws and legally sanctioned institutions that often place limitations on what counts as family . Some people are concerned that vital and limited resources in the for things like a national nondiscrimination law have been reallocated to the for marriage equality . Thus , ironically , a lesbian living in a state like Texas can now marry her wife but be unable to order a wedding cake if the local baker opposes families or marriage . Others look beyond the argument that marriage provides a way to gain access to important resources and ( health insurance , and property rights , visitation rights in hospitals and jails , adoption rights ) instead asking why these must be tied to marriage in the place . Some scholars suggest that queer communities should reject all notions of family building altogether . They point out that rather than making these available to all , marriage equality has created a new set of boundaries that who has access to certain privileges that remain inaccessible for others in the broader PROFILE FAMILY BUILDING CHALLENGES AND OPPORTUNITY Christa Craven Queer people have a long history of creating family in many different ways , including creating chosen families among adults ( and sometimes children ) who may not be biologically related . Yet with the enhancement of legal rights in recent years , such as marriage , many people are feeling more pressure than ever to form families that include biological or adopted children or both . People have said to me , After we got married , the next logical question from our families and friends was , When will you have kids ?

With greater access to reproductive technologies and adoption for parents over the last few decades , 290 Introduction to Studies people have opportunities to build families . However , experts estimate that a quarter of all pregnancies end in loss , and a similar number of adoptions fall through 12 percent of women are diagnosed with infertility and transgender people are often faced with reproductive decisions relating to transition . With the rise in family boom numbers of tive losses through miscarriage , stillbirth , failed adoptions , infertility , and sterility have also increased . In addition to heteronormative assumptions about who should have children , intended parents face another layer of invisibility and isolation as they combat the cultural silence surrounding reproductive loss . Even among those who support families , there is often political silencing of queer narratives when they do not produce a happy ending . Moreover , the reproductive challenges families continue to face have received little attention and have been exacerbated by increasingly restrictive laws regarding tion and family recognition following the 2016 elections . family making is politicized even within queer communities by efforts to create a seamless narrative of progress toward enhanced marital and familial rights . These contentious political battles often eclipse the challenges and barriers parents face in establishing and gaining recognition as families . Physicians and public health experts estimate that percent of all recognized pregnancies in the United States and percent of all conceptions end in pregnancy loss . Estimates for other countries vary substantially . The knowledge that a pregnancy has ended is likely higher for people , who are often more intentional in planning their families than their straight peers and thus more likely to be doing early home pregnancy tests . Public perception regarding pregnancy loss differs substantially from public health estimates . A 2015 survey of over a sand adults showed that 55 percent thought miscarriage was rare ( occurring in percent or less of pregnancies ) In addition , 12 percent of US . women are diagnosed with infertility , and fertility preservation options are not always made available to transgender people considering hormones or surgery . Likewise , a review of US . studies among different populations estimates adoption failure rates , or what adoption agencies euphemistically refer to as disruptions , of Statistics on adoption are not kept in most countries . I interviewed over people to understand how they loss , grief , and mourning . They included those who carried , and adoptive parents , and families from a broad range of , socioeconomic , and religious backgrounds . I found

Relationships and Families 291 that stories of loss , death , and reproductive challenges that accompany queer family making are often ignored or silenced both inside and outside communities , resulting in personal and political isolation . Three examples drawn from my study highlight the need for more inclusive support ALEX AND NORA STORY When I spoke with Alex and Nora , they had experienced a ter loss less than a year before . Nora , a lesbian , had physically carried their first daughter , but she had developed health complications that made another pregnancy dangerous for her health . The couple agreed that Alex , who had previously as a , would carry their next child . Alex had adopted a lesbian identity after becoming pregnant and was pregnant at the time of our interview . Nora explained how her experience of their loss was not only a physical and emotional one but also personally and legally complex . In losing our daughter . I lost not only a biological and a physical connection . I also lost the ability to have legal rights to our future children , to have my name on this birth . I not even going to be able to petition for that where we live . In 2011 , Nora would have had no legal rights to their child borne by Alex because the couple lived in a state where queer parents were denied access to adoption of their children . But to Nora , having to formally adopt in any jurisdiction and be evaluated on her as a parent was devastating . Nonetheless , the couple continued to consider pursuing legal tion in another state or country and then returning to their home state to request a reissued birth that would recognize them both as legal parents . Unlike marriages or civil unions , which were not recognized in much of the United States before 2015 and not recognized in countries where laws do not permit unions , adoptions are recognized across jurisdictions . However , was a graduate student and Alex an administrative this option for giving both of them legal parental status out of the ple reach . Although the couple lived in a liberal midwestern town , the bic state and federal laws that governed Nora lack of legal the child borne by her partner heightened her

292 Introduction to Studies experience of loss . They encountered silencing within queer ties following their loss , which resulted in feelings of isolation . As Alex explained , reproductive loss complicates the political rhetoric . Its the same reason you dont hear about gay divorce , because it the political rhetoric of trying to get marriage Significant changes in the legal landscape for couples and families have occurred in the 20105 , in the United States and out the world . After the national recognition of marriage in 2015 following the Hodges Supreme Court case , many parents assumed that the presumption of parenthood ( that both individuals in a marital union are legal parents to any child born within that union ) would be extended to lesbian and gay married couples , as it is for heterosexual couples . However , legal precedent on this issue has been inconsistent , which can leave those formed within legal in ways that heterosexual married couples are not . Additionally , any children born to parents outside a legal marriage must still be formally adopted by the second parent . In the case that the couple legally marries ( or the becomes legally recognized ) after the child is born , a stepparent adoption is required . As of April 2019 , only states allow unmarried parents to tion for adoption . Laws also exist in some states that allow discrimination against parents by adoption agencies that cite religious beliefs against parenting . In 2019 , legal experts in the American Bar Association acknowledged that , despite the federal recognition of marriage in 2015 , tion against individuals who wish to raise children has dramatically increased in recent Many adoptive parents also expressed the fear that homophobia and within adoption agencies and among birth families meant they had a higher likelihood of adoption disruption than heterosexual couples . MIKE STORY Mike particularly heartbreaking story concerned suffering the loss of twins in an adoption . He and his partner , Arnold , had traveled to Vermont to get a civil union during the and began the adoption process shortly afterward in their home state , which did legally recognize their relationship . With their stable jobs and multiracial is a white pediatrician and Arnold an African American high school adoption agency they worked with thought they were an ideal family to place biracial twins , whose mother had two children already and was living in a battered women shelter . They moved

Relationships and Families ward with an open adoption , meeting with the birth mother on multiple occasions and attending all doctor appointments . When the twins were born , the names that Mike and Arnold gave them appeared on their birth . They spent ten days at home with the twins , but on the tenth last day that birth mothers in their state could legally reclaim their thirty minutes to midnight , the call came . Mike and Arnold later spoke with staff from their adoption agency , who explained that the birth mother had contacted the biological father of the twins , whom she had been estranged from for months , to tell him that she had put them up for adoption to a gay male couple . He did not approve of having a gay couple raise the twins and convinced her to reclaim them . Despite the birth mother desperately trying to reverse that decision to reclaim the twins and making several calls to Mike and Arnold pleading with them to take the children , the adoption was never formalized . Arnold had struggled with depression previously , and after losing the twins , he began to abuse drugs and alcohol and was unable to return to work . Ultimately , after two years , his addiction led to the end of their relationship . When we spoke , Mike had recently begun the adoption process again as a single man . This time , however , he was pursuing the adoption of an older child . He said , This adoption is in the foster system , with parents whose parental rights had already been terminated . I do want the chance of a birth parent reclaiming again . There no way I could do that again . It was like they the twins had suddenly died . One minute they were here and the next hour they weren here . It was horrible . Yet as many adoptive parents told me , what was sometimes most about their losses was that the child had not died and that their heartache could be a pure sense of grief or loss that one might experience mourning the death of a loved one . Rather , the child they had come to know and love was out there somewhere , and that knowledge created ongoing questions and grief . Mike story is one of multiple interlocking losses and demonstrates how reproductive losses do not always involve the death of a child , nor are they centered solely around the absence of that child ( or children ) in one life . adoptive parents , as well as those who experienced pregnancy loss , infertility , and sterility frequently spoke about the loss of innocence that shattered their initial expectations of linear progress surrounding reproduction . Reproductive losses can also result in the loss of dreams for particular kinds of family , as Vero story highlights .

294 Introduction to Studies VERO STORY When Vero came out in the late , she initially thought she want to have kids . She explained when we connected over Skype , I waited longer than I should have . being gay , being raised in a panic Catholic family , I did even see it as a Coming out before the boom and then leaving home as a teen to serve in the US . Army for ten years , like many other people who grew up during this time , she felt that forming a family would not be an option for her . But as she found a more supportive community , and many of her friends began having kids , it started to feel like a Although she did initially wish to carry a child , when she desired children with a partner who was unable to carry , she decided to begin monitoring her ovulation . A year and a half later , that ship had ended . But I kept thinking about it and . thinking about it and decided that that was something I really wanted with or out that relationship . So , I went on with the process . I had a donor . Everything was good to go . And so , I went to get a physical and during that physical was when they found my cancer . And so , it quickly was staged pretty high and so that quickly became the focus . Even though it having a baby was sitting in the back of my head , it was more about getting it the cancer staged , having biopsies , and starting treatment , blah blah blah . So , all of that kind of consumed me . I did have to think about it losing my ability to conceive right away . But then that came . back tears I still get emotional about it . At the time , Vero doctors estimated that the advanced stage of her cancer gave her between three months and ten years to live . Although friends suggested she consider adoption after initial treatment seemed successful , Vero felt that would not be fair to the child because of the uncertainty about her future health . When I asked Vero how she did cope once she was able to focus on her beyond the immediacy of her cancer treatment , she spoke about struggling because , she said , some people do even see my experience as a loss , because I never conceived . She also had complex feelings that others seemed not to understand Once all of the dust settled after three years of chemotherapy and experimental treatment , I felt very grateful . I mean , if it

Relationships and Families 295 had been for this child that I had already named but that I never had , I would even be here . Through tears I think what helped me peace in it all was the gratitude that I was still here and in the last sixteen years that my life would have been completely different . It took a really different turn . not a 180 , but at least a angle laughing . It gave me more time to be with all of my friends kids . If I waited any longer than I did to get my physical , I probably wouldn have made it , period . It kind of gave me a different gift . It hit me in a bunch of different ways , and it still hits me every once in a while . I was thinking about it just yesterday that kid would probably have been fourteen or by now , and how different my life would be . just completely different . Vero experience underscores not only the depth and complexities of losing one dream of family but also how grief can shift and evolve over time . As others have frequently said , It never leaves Together , Alex and Nora , Mike , and Vero stories paint a vivid picture of the multiple interlocking losses that frequently accompany the loss of a child or dreams of a child . parents face general social taboos about discussing reproductive loss , but these expectations are by the legal and political barriers they face in gaining recognition as families . Additionally , they face pressures within communities where stories of loss are often silenced in efforts to present a political vision for progress . More inclusive support resources that embrace the diverse realities and challenges of forming families are necessary for bereaved individuals and families . A notable of my study was that over half the participants faced struggles in their efforts to expand their families . For most , the urgency to become pregnant or adopt again after a loss drove them to invest more ( both and emotionally ) in those efforts . Yet many discussed this investment with a great deal of ambivalence , for fear that it would detract from the emotional loss they experienced . Their stories challenge the assumed of individuals who seek to expand their families , even among those who do so via expensive assisted reproductive technology and adoption . As a queer parent who found few resources after my own trimester loss and who bore witness to the ways that my partner was isolated as a parent , I have always given this project a public focus . When I published Reproductive Losses Challenges to , I launched a companion interactive and expanding resource for

296 Introduction to Studies and families . Readers can access an archive of commemorative photos and stories , as well as advice to parents experiencing loss and those who support them . But there is far more work to be done to overcome the silencing and isolation surrounding reproductive loss create opportunities for sustained dialogue among intended parents , medical and adoption professionals , and other support professionals and acknowledge that grappling with grief and in a moment of legal and political inescapable for many queer people . KEY QUESTIONS What are some of the negative consequences of , and minority stress for people in terms of relationship building , and creating families ?

What myths have you heard regarding the quality of relationships ?

What does research say about those myths ?

Why is it challenging to research families and ?

What are some of the challenges that families face as they interact with legal systems ?

RESEARCH RESOURCES Compiled by Jessica and Rachel Discuss Choose one or two resources listed in this chapter , and discuss them in relation to what you have learned about relationships and families . Present Choose a key topic or event found in this chapter . Then locate one or two resources from the Quick Dip and Deep Dive sections and develop a presentation for the class . Explain the of the topic , and provide additional details that support your explanation . Create What idea , person , or event from this chapter really moved you ?

Do more research on that idea , person , or event based on the resources in this chapter . Then create your own artistic response . Consider writing a poem , drawing a picture , or editing a photograph in a way that demonstrates both Relationships and Families 297 what you have learned and how you feel about the issue or person . Debate Find a partner or split into groups , and choose a topic , idea , or controversy from this chapter . Have each partner or group present an opposing perspective on it . Use at least two of the resources in this chapter to support your argument . QUICK DIP ONLINE RESOURCES ( Children of Lesbians and Gays Everywhere . is a national movement of children , youth , and adults with one or more parents . builds community and works toward social justice through youth empowerment , leadership development , cation , and advocacy . This is the only national organization in North America focused on the needs of children of parents . Family Acceptance Project For nearly twenty years , the Family Acceptance Project ( has provided family education information and resource materials on how families can best support dren . Its website includes links to its publications and research . Family Equality Council The Family Equality Council ( is a national organization that provides advocacy and support for parents and families . Gender Odyssey The annual Gender Odyssey conference ( addresses the needs and interests of children of all ages who are gender and gender diverse , their families , and the professionals who serve them . Gender Spectrum Gender Spectrum ( informs interactions with all youth , especially in family , parent , or caregiver

298 Introduction to Studies and environments . Resource lists , trainings , support groups , and research are all available via the website . Resources for Children A Bibliography , by the Rainbow Round Table Two librarians , Nancy Silverrod in San Francisco and Dana in Philadelphia , began compiling in 2004 the annotated bibliography of children and young adult books about children with ents ( These titles have become classics , and most remain in print , even as resources for children continue to increase . See , for example , Same Sex Parents Book Lists at parents . Lesbian and Gay Parenting , from the American Psychological Association The American Psychological Association published a review in 2005 of the scholarly literature and court cases related to gay and lesbian parents and their children ( This resource , designed for students , researchers , lawyers , mental health care professionals , and parents , comprises three sections a summary of the research on gay fathers and lesbian mothers , an annotated of those resources , and a series of amicus briefs and professional association policies related to gay and lesbian parents . This resource provides frequently cited , authoritative foundational research that has served as the basis for further research . Youth and Schools Resource Library The American Civil Liberties Union ( a resource list for middle school , high school , and college students on their rights related to free speech , assembly , forming alliances , attending the prom , accessing online information in school libraries , mental health support , privacy , and seeking support on college campuses . See . Movement Advancement Project ( MAP ) The Movement Advancement Project provides reports and videos with an overview of laws and policies affecting families in the United

Relationships and Families 299 States such as laws and policies related to fostering and adopting children , the child welfare system , transgender rights , medical policies , and discriminatory tax laws for families . See . Hodges See the full text of the Supreme Court decision in , a landmark civil rights case in which the court ruled that the mental right to marry is guaranteed to couples by both the due process clause and the equal protection clause of the Fourteenth Amendment to the US . Constitution ( Resolution on Marriage Couples , from the American Psychological Association The APA Council of Representatives adopted this resolution on August , 2011 . See . SAGE SAGE is a premier organization providing services and advocacy for elders . Its website ( provides robust resources regarding elder rights and issues of concern . Trevor Project The Trevor Project is the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to youth . The website ( features resources , tools , advocacy , and ways to get involved . The Trevor Project is especially well known for its crisis phone , chat , and text lines . DEEP DIVE BOOKS Families We Choose Lesbians , Gays , Kinship , by Kath Weston This classic book was first published in 1991 by the anthropologist Kath Weston . On the basis of interviews and participant observation with and gay men in the San Francisco Bay Area , the book articulated

300 Introduction to Studies for the time how people were creating families of their own . The book was revised and updated in 1997 ( New York Columbia University Press ) Gay Fatherhood Narratives Family and Citizenship in America , by Ellen This ethnography , written by an anthropologist , tells the story of how gay men in America have chosen to become fathers and the issues they confront during this journey . The book explores the decision to become a parent for gay men how that decision affects their relationships with extended families and religious , racial , and ethnic communities and how they reconcile their gay identity with their daily lives as parents ( Chicago University of Chicago Press , 2009 ) Invisible Families Gay Identities , Relationships , and Motherhood among Black Women , by Moore The book focused on African American lesbians and the families they create , this book gives visibility to families headed by Black lesbians and has provided the research design , survey instrument , and interview questions to conduct future research on Black and families of color ( Berkeley University of California Press , 2011 ) The Kids The Children Parents in the USA , by Herman One in a groundbreaking series supported by the Foundation about communities around the world , this book displays images by an photographer and recounts personal experiences of over fifty children of parents . These children describe the impact of having parents on their lives and value systems . Excerpts from the book are available at ( New York New Press , 2017 ) Queer Kinship and Family Change in , by Amy Brainer Brainer is an anthropologist who investigated the experiences of ese families from the perspective of queer and trans informants , as well as their siblings , parents , and other family members . She analyzes the strategies that families use to navigate their internal differences and the broader social , cultural , and political within which these

Relationships and Families 301 and celebrations occur . This book is an important contribution to the literature on queer kinship from an anthropological perspective ( New Brunswick , Rutgers University Press , 2019 ) The Right to Be Parents Families and the , by Carlos A . Ball Ball is the author with a legal background to describe court cases involving gay and lesbian parents and custody of their biological or adopted children . Using research from sociologists and psychologists that lawyers use in court , Ball defends the right to parenthood for people ( New York New York University Press . 2014 ) To Survive on This Share Photographs and Interviews with Transgender and Gender , by Jess and Vanessa Transgender and older adults in this visual exhibit , from 2018 with a second edition in 2019 , they share their stories about the role that their gender identity played while growing up , forming intimate ships , and choosing to create families of their own or not . Because the population of older people is often overlooked when discussing family and relationships , this is a valuable resource for those engaged in gerontology studies as well as in child and family studies . Visit the companion website at ( Germany ) Transgender Parenting A Review of Existing Research , by Rebecca , Jody Herman , and This comprehensive analysis of research studies on transgender ents contains studies that focus on civil rights and legal representation . Although more research is needed on the many facets of transgender and parenting , this is a solid starting point for anyone doing academic research on the topic ( Los Angeles , CA Williams Institute , 2014 ) GLOSSARY AIDS . The acronym formed from acquired immune syndrome , a chronic disease caused by the HIV virus that has disproportionately

302 Introduction to Studies affected the community ( particularly gay men , bisexual men , trans women , and men who have sex with men ) assimilationist . Fixing the system from within , trying to into the status quo integrating . Positive or negative affective evaluations of someone or something . blended family . A couple with children from previous relationships . extended family . The kin or relatives outside the nuclear or family may include aunts , uncles , cousins , grandparents , or others related by blood or marriage . family . In the context of human society , a group of people related by either consanguinity ( by recognized birth ) by marriage or other relationship ) coresidence ( as implied by the word etymology , from the Latin ' a ) or some combination of these . family of choice . A deliberately chosen group of people that satisfies the typical role of family as a support system . These people may or may not be related to the person who chose them . heteronormative . A societal belief that makes heterosexuality the default and assumes that everyone is heterosexual until proved otherwise normalizing heterosexuality and any other identity or apart from heterosexuality . Bias that suggests that heterosexuality , or heterosexual relationships , are superior to any other relationships ( queer , gay , lesbian ) internalized . that an individual believes and therefore replicates and incorporates internally . marriage equality . The recognition of marriage as a human and civil right , as well as recognition by law and support of societal institutions . minority stress . Health disparities often found in minority groups can be explained in part by the discrimination they endure , and this discrimination causes stress and illness Meyer developed this theory . nonmonogamous families . Couples who have children and who engage consensually in sexual activities with other adults outside each couple . nonmonogamous relationships . Deep , close , relationships between two or more people who may engage consensually in sexual activities with others outside the relationship . nuclear family . A couple and their dependent children typically assumed to be a heterosexual couple .

Relationships and Families polyamorous . The practice of , or desire for , intimate relationships with more than one partner , with the consent of all partners involved . A polyamorous family is one made up of more than two sexual or romantic partners and their dependent children . resilience . An individual ability to recover , or bounce back , from a stressful or traumatic experience . family . A family ( typically one parent with a dependent child or children ) stereotypes . Negative , positive , or neutral beliefs about the members of a group that are often unsubstantiated . thriving . The condition of individuals who experience a stressful or event and who not only bounce back but as a result of the event . NOTES . Flores , Herman , Gates , and Brown , How Many Adults as in the United States ?

Los Angeles , CA Williams Institute , 2016 ) Romero , Million Adults Are Married to Someone of the Same Sex at the Anniversary of Hodges , Williams tute , June 23 , 2017 , Gates and Newport , An Estimated Americans in Marriages , April 2015 , For resources that strengthen relationships , see and Beach , Marriage in the New Millennium A Decade in Review , journal of Marriage and Family 72 , no . 2010 ) and for availability of external resources , see and , Couple Relationship Strengths A Review and Synthesis of the Empirical Literature ( Psychology of Sexual Orientation and Gender Diversity , no . 2017 ) and . Thomas , Searching for a Mate The Rise of the Internet as a Social Intermediary , American Sociological Review 77 , no . 2012 ) Thomas , and Falcon , How Couples Meet and Stay Together , waves , and Public version , plus wave supplement version ( computer files ) Stanford University Libraries , accessed January , 2022 , Adams , What Polyamorous and Families Should Do to Protect Their Rights , Prima Fade ( blog ) Bar , December 11 , 2018 ,

304 Introduction to Studies . For the study of gay men in Britain , see , obs ' Author Talks Straight Sex and Repressed Homosexual Desire , August , 2015 , for the study of gay male couples in the Bay Area , see and , Sexual Agreements among Gay Male Couples , Archives of Sexual Behavior 39 , no . 2010 ) for the related study showing equal numbers , see , and , Relationship Characteristics and Motivations behind Agreements among Gay Male Couples Differences by Agreement Type and Couple , AIDS Care 22 , no . 2010 ) for a study different levels , see . Parsons , Starks , and , and Sexual Relationship Quality among Male Couples , journal of Family 26 , no . 2012 ) and for higher rates of agreement to be monogamous , see , and , Monogamy Agreements in Male Couples Associations with Relationship Quality and Individual , Couple and Therapy 14 ( 2015 ) The term ' was coined a few years ago by relationship and sex columnist Dan Savage , who shared that the arrangement he has with his partner , in which they committed to each other but can have sex with others , is not just a phenomenon for gay men . What It Really Means to Be , Glamour , May , 2016 , Moors , and , The Fewer the Merrier ?

Assessing Stigma Surrounding Consensually tic Relationships , Analyses of Social Issues and Public Policy 13 , no . 2012 ) 10 . Here the Salacious Sex Statistics on Queer Women in Monogamous Relationships , June , 2015 , 11 . Kamen , Burns , and Beach , Minority Stress in Male Relationships When Does It Impact Relationship Satisfaction ?

58 , no . 10 ( 2011 ) Frost and Meyer , Internalized Homophobia and Relationship Quality among Lesbians , Gay Men , and Bisexuals , journal of Counseling Psychology 56 ( 2009 ) Frost and Meyer , Internalized Homophobia and Relationship Quality among Lesbians , Gay Men , and Bisexuals , journal of Counseling Psychology 56 ( 2009 ) Payne , and , Sex in Midlife Sexual in Lesbian and Straight Marriages , Marriage and Family 81 ( 2019 ) 12 . Meyer , Prejudice , Social Stress , and Mental Health in Lesbian , Gay , and Bisexual Populations Conceptual Issues and Research Evidence , Bulletin 129 ( 2003 ) 13 . Frost and Meyer , Internalized Homophobia . 14 . Kamen , Burns , and Beach , Minority Stress in Male 15 . Dank , and . Dating Violence of Lesbian , Gay , Bisexual , and Transgender Youth , journal of Youth and

Relationships and Families 305 Adolescence 43 ( 2014 ) Adolescent Dating Violence Experiences among Sexual Minority Youth and Implications for Subsequent Relationship Quality , Child and Adolescent Social 34 , no . 2017 ) Marrow , Social Work Practice with Gay , Lesbian , Bisexual , and Transgender Adolescents , Family in Societies 85 , no . 2004 ) 16 . Lesbian Couples Two and a Half Times More Likely to Get Divorced than Male Couples , ONS Figures Reveal , Independent , October 18 , 2017 , 17 . For family as kinship and biology , see Steel , and A . Brown , The , ed . UK Macmillan , 2012 ) for family regardless of kinship , see Edwards , and Graham , The Relationship between Individuals of Family and Implicit Personal Theories of , of Family Communication , no . 2009 ) 18 . Sexual Politics , Sexual Communities , ed . Chicago of Chicago Press , 1998 ) 19 . A . Becker and Todd , A New American Family ?

Public Opinion toward Family Status and Perceptions of the Challenges Faced by Children of Parents , of Family Studies , no . 2013 ) 20 . Powell , Geist , and , Counted Out Relations and Americans Family ( New York Russell Sage , 2010 ) 26 . 21 . Hull and , Conventional and of Family in Communities , Research and Social Policy 16 ( 2019 ) 33 for family and its functional characteristics , see Powell et , Counted Out . 22 . Nelson , Whither Fictive Kin ?

Or , What in a Name ?

journal of Family Issues 35 , no . 2014 ) Bach , Baxter , Willer , et , Constructing Family A Typology of Voluntary Kin , journal of Social and Personal Relationships 27 , no . 2010 ) See also Collins , Black Feminist Thought Knowledge , Consciousness , and the Politics of Empowerment , ed . New York , 2000 ) 23 . Blair and . Family Matters , but Sometimes sen Family Matters More Perceived Social Network in the Dating Decisions of and Couples , Canadian journal of Human Sexuality 24 ( 2015 ) 24 . Nelson , Whither Fictive Kin ?

et , Constructing Family . 25 . Stein , What the Matter with Newark ?

Race , Class , Marriage , and the Limits of Queer Liberalism , in The Kind ?

Debating Marriage within the Gay and Lesbian Movement , ed . and Taylor ( University of Minnesota Press , 2013 ) For more on chosen families , see Weston , Families We Choose Lesbians , Gays , Kinship ( New York Columbia University Press , 1997 ) 26 . Thomas , Liu , and , Family Relationships and , Innovation in Aging , no . 2017 )

306 Introduction to Studies , and Friend , The of Social Support and Support on Optimism and Depression in Chronic Illness A Prospective Study Evaluating as a Mediator , Health Psychology 22 , no . 2003 ) 27 . Ryan , Diaz , and . Sanchez , Family Rejection as a Predictor of Negative Health Outcomes in White and Latino Lesbian , Gay , and Bisexual Young Adults , Pediatrics 123 , no . 2009 ) 28 . Ryan , Russell , Diaz , and . Sanchez , Family Acceptance in Adolescence and the Health of Young Adults , journal of Child and Adolescent Psychiatric Nursing 23 , no . 2010 ) 29 . For negative feelings associated with sexual orientation , see . stein , and , Do Parental Acceptance and Family Support Moderate Associations between Dimensions of Minority Stress and Depressive Symptoms among Lesbians and Gay Men ?

Professional Research and Practice 45 , no . 2014 ) for accepting families of youth , see , Malik , Page , and , Identity in bian , Gay , and Bisexual Youth The Role of Family , journal of Youth and Adolescence 42 , no . 2013 ) for less internalized homophobia , see , Starks , and Sinclair , Factors Associated with Parents Knowledge of Gay , Lesbian , and Bisexual Youths Sexual Orientation , journal of Family Studies , no . 2010 ) for higher and so on , see Ryan et , Family Acceptance in Adolescence and the Health of Young Adults for support from family , see , Rosario , and , Lesbian , Gay , Bisexual , and Transgender Youth and Family Acceptance , Pediatric Clinics of North America 63 , no . 2016 ) and for effects across the lifespan , see . and , of Adult Children and Ageing Parents Associations with Support and Relationship Quality , Ageing and Society 29 ( 2009 ) 30 . Ryan et , Family Rejection as a Predictor of Negative Health comes in White and Latino Lesbian , Gay , and Bisexual Young Adults . 31 . For the importance of siblings , see Allen and Roberto , Family Relationships of Older Adults , in Handbook of Elders , ed . Harley and ( Cham , Switzerland Springer , 2016 ) and for grandparents , see , Gay , Lesbian , Bisexual , and Queer Grandchildren Disclosure Process with Grandparents , ty Family Issues 37 , no . 2016 ) 32 . About , accessed April 26 , 2021 , about . 33 . For challenges to researchers , see , Lodge , and Xu , Challenges and Opportunities for Research on Relationships , journal Marriage and Family 77 ( 2015 ) for the Supreme Court ruling on marriage , see Hodges ( No . une 26 , 2015 ) and for shifting relationship formation , see and , The Close Relationships of Lesbians and Gay Men , Annual Review of 58 ( 2007 )

Relationships and Families 307 34 . Crenshaw , the Intersection of Race and Sex A Black Feminist Critique of Doctrine , Feminist Theory and Policies , University Chicago Legal Forum , no . 1989 ) 35 . For motivations , see , and Connolly , standing the Reasons for Parenthood , Reproductive and ant 23 , no . 2005 ) and Miller , childbearing Motivations , Desires , and Intentions A Theoretical Framework , Genetic , Social , and General Psychology 120 , no . 1994 ) for a need to feel complete , see Newton , A . and , Motives for Parenthood and Response to Failed In Vitro Fertilization Implications for Counseling , journal of Assisted tion and Genetics , no . 1992 ) and for gay fathers motivations , see Goldberg , Downing , and , Why Parenthood , and Why Now ?

Gay Men Motivations for Pursuing Parenthood , Family Relations An Applied Family Studies 61 , no . 2012 ) 36 . Gates , Demographics Married and Unmarried Couples Analyses of the American Community Survey ( Los Angeles , CA Williams Institute , 2015 ) 37 . Gates , Marriage and Family Individuals and Couples , Future of Children 25 , no . Fall 2015 ) 38 . Gates , Marriage and Family . 39 . Davies , Adult Daughters Whose Mothers Come Out Later in Life What Is the Psychosocial Impact ?

journal of Lesbian Studies 12 , nos . 2008 ) How Parents Can Handle Coming Out to Their Children , Washington Post , October , 2020 , 40 . Davies , Adult Daughters Whose Mothers Come Out Later in Life . 41 . How Parents Can Handle Coming Out . 42 . Lambda Legal , about Transgender Parenting , accessed April 26 , 2021 , 43 . Bible , van , and , Pathways to Successful Queer Formation , of Family Studies 16 , no . 2020 ) van , Bible , and , Undoing and Creating Family A Queer Experience , journal Family Studies 15 , no . 2019 ) Lynch and Murray , For the Love of the Children The Coming Out Process for Lesbian and Gay Parents and , journal of Homosexuality 39 , no . 2000 ) Moore , Power Relations among Women A Study of Household Decision Making in Black , Lesbian Families , American Sociological Review 73 , no . 2008 ) 44 . Patterson and Redding , Lesbian and Gay Families with Children Implications of Social Science Research for Policy , journal of Social Issues 52 , no . 1996 ) 45 . Patterson , Children of Lesbian and Gay Parents , Current Directions in Psychological Science 15 ( 2006 ) 241 ,

308 Introduction to Studies . See also . Patterson and . Adolescents with Parents Findings from the National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health , in Adoption by Lesbians and Gay Men A New Dimension in Family Diversity , ed . and ( New York Oxford University Press , 2011 ) Patterson , Children of Lesbian and Gay Parents , Child Development 63 ( 1992 ) and . Patterson , Children of the bian Baby Boom Behavioral Adjustment , and Identity , in Contemporary Perspectives on Lesbian and Gay Theory , Research and Application , ed . Greene and ( Beverly Hills , CA SAGE , 1994 ) 46 . and , Outcomes for Children with Lesbian or Gay Parents A Review of Studies from 1978 to 2000 , Scandinavian journal of Psychology 43 ( 2002 ) 47 . For prejudice court decisions , see Patterson and Redding , Lesbian and Gay Families with Children for research establishing the of parents , see . Patterson , Parental Sexual Orientation , Social Science Research , and Child Custody Decisions , in The Basis Child tody Decisions , ed . and . Wiley , 2009 ) and for Patterson as expert witness , see Shelby Frame , Charlotte Patterson , at the Forefront of Family Studies , june 26 , 2017 , American Psychological Association , 48 . Capitalism , Identity Politics , and Queerness Converge Employee Resource Groups , New Horizons in Adult Education and Human Resource Development 23 , no . 2009 ) 49 . For the most recent index , see Human Rights Campaign , Corporate Equality Index , 50 . Capitalism , Identity Politics , and Queerness Converge , 18 . 51 . The Lesbian and Gay Movements Assimilation or Liberation ?

New York , 2015 ) 12 . 52 . United States Windsor , 570 744 ( 2013 ) 2015 ) 53 . Movement Advancement Project , 2019 , 54 . Goldberg , Lesbian and Gay Parents and Their Research on the Family Life Cycle ( Washington , American Psychological Association , 2010 ) and Badger , Children Raised in lies from Infancy A of Children of Lesbian and Single Heterosexual Mothers , at Early Adulthood , Human Reproduction 25 ( 2010 ) Perrin , Foy , et , The Effects of Marriage , Civil Union , and Domestic Partnership Laws on the Health and of Children , Pediatrics 118 , no . 2006 ) 55 . Perrin , and Committee on Psychosocial Aspects of Child and Family Health of the American Academy of Pediatrics , Promoting the of Children Whose Parents Are Gay or Lesbian , Pediatrics 131 ( 2013 ) 56 . Park , and , How Law Shapes of Parenthood for Couples , journal of Family Studies 12 ( 2016 ) 57 . johnson , Counseling the Polyamorous Client Implications for Competent Practice , VISTAS Online , American Counseling Association , article 50 .

Relationships and Families 309 58 . Chapman , Watkins , and Shields , Nursing and Medical Students Attitude , Knowledge and Beliefs Regarding Lesbian , Gay , Bisexual and Transgender Parents Seeking Health Care for Their Children , nal of Clinical Nursing 21 ( 2012 ) 59 . Morrison and , and Health Care A Concept Analysis , Nursing Forum 47 ( 2012 ) 60 . and , Breaking Barriers and Building Bridges Understanding the Pervasive Needs of Older Adults and the Value of Social Work in Health Care , of Social Work 57 , nos . 2014 ) 381 . 61 . Hash and Netting , Planning and Making among Midlife and Older Gay Men , journal Social Work in and Palliative Care ( 2007 ) 62 . Brown , Smalling , and Ryan , The Experiences of Gay Men and Lesbians in Becoming and Being Adoptive Parents , Adoption Quarterly 12 , nos . 2009 ) 63 . Brown et , The Experiences of Gay Men and Lesbians in Becoming and Being Adoptive Parents . 64 . Patterson , and , Sexual Orientation and Parenting A Global Perspective , in Contemporary Issues in Family ies Global Perspectives on Partnerships , Parenting , and Support in a Changing World , ed . and . Walker ( New York , 2014 ) for the tain legal landscape , see and , Backlash or a Positive Response ?

Public Opinion of Issues after Hodges , of Homosexuality 65 , no . 14 ( 2018 ) and Miller , Years after Marriage Ruling , Protections for Families Undermined , USA Today , une , 2018 , 65 . See , No Future Queer Theory and the Death Drive ( Duke University Press , 2004 ) 66 . and Williams , A National Survey on Public Perceptions of Miscarriage , Obstetrics and 125 , no . une 2015 ) 0000000000859 . 67 . Child Welfare Information Gateway , Adoption Disruption and Dissolution ( Washington , Children Bureau , June 2012 ) 68 . These stories are based on interviews Craven conducted between 2011 and 2014 and are adapted from Christa Craven , Reproductive Losses Challenges to ( New York , 2019 ) Christa Craven and Peel , Stories of Grief and Hope Queer Experiences of Reproductive Loss , in Maternity and Motherhood Narrative and Theoretical Perspectives on Queer Conception , Birth and Parenting , ed . Gibson ( Bradford , ON Demeter Press , 2014 ) and Christa Craven and Elizabeth Peel , Loss Exploring Grief and Memorialization , in Pregnancy Loss Feminist Writings on Abortion , Miscarriage , and Stillbirth , ed . Emma Lind and Angie ( Bradford , ON Demeter Press , 2017 ) Reprinted by permission of the publisher .

310 Introduction to Studies 69 . National Bar Association Commission on Sexual Orientation and Gender Identity , Report to the House of Delegates ( Washington , American Bar Association , 2019 ) 11 .