Interpersonal Communication A Mindful Approach to Relationships Building and Maintaining Relationships

' i Image ID 1715736 rom Chapter Building and Maintaining Relationships Over the course of our lives , We will enter into and out of different relationships . it comes to dating , the person has seven relationships before getting According to a study ed by in conjunction with Evite , the average American has Three best friends Five good friends Eight people they like but don spend time with 50 acquaintances 91 social media In this chapter , we are going to discuss how we go about building and maintaining our relationships . 255

The Nature of Relationships . Understand relationship characteristics . Identify the purposes of relationships . ma 32 LU ' Explain the elements of a good relationship . ve all been in a wide range of relationships in our lives . This section is going to explore relationships by examining specific relationship characteristics and the nature of significant relationships . Relationship Characteristics all know that all relationships are not the same . have people in our lives that we enjoy spending time with , like to support us , assist us when needed . VVe will typically distance ourselves from people who do not provide positive feelings or outcomes for us . Thus , there are many characteristics in relationships that we have with others . These characteristics are duration , contact frequency , sharing , support , interaction variability , and Some friendships last a lifetime , others last a short period . The length of any relationship is referred to as that i duration . People who grew up in small towns might have had the same classmate till graduation . This is due to the fact that duration with each person is different . Some people we meet in college and We will never see them again . Hence , our duration with that person is short . Duration is related to the length of your relationship with that person . Second , Contact frequency is how often you communicate with the other person . There are people in our lives we have known for years but only talk to infrequently . The more we communicate with others , the closer our bond becomes to the other person . Sometimes people think duration is the real test of a relationship , but it also depends on how often you communicate with the other person . The third relationship trait is sharing . The more we spend time with other people and interact with them , the more We are likely to share information about ourselves . This type of sharing information that is usually our private and very intimate details of our thoughts and feelings . typically don share this information with a stranger . Once we develop a sense of trust and support with this person , we can begin to share more details . The fourth characteristic is support . Think of the people in your life and who you would be able to call in case of an emergency . The ones that come to mind are the ones you know who would be supportive of you . They would support you if you needed help , money , time , or advice . Support is another relationship trait because We know that not everyone can support us in the same manner . For instance , if you need relationship advice , you would probably pick someone who has knowledge and would support you in your decision . Support is so important . A difference found between married and dating couples is that married couples were more likely to provide supportive communication behaviors to their partners than dating The fifth defining characteristic of relationships is the interaction Variability . We have a relationship with another person , it is not defined by your interaction with them , rather on the different types of conversations you can have with that person . you were little , you probably knew that if 256

you were to approach your mom , she might respond a certain way as opposed to your ( lad , who might respond . Hence , you knew that your interaction would vary . The same thing happens with your classmates because you don talk about class with them . You might talk about other events on campus or social events . Therefore , our interactions with others are by the greater variability that we have with one person as opposed to another . The last relationship characteristic is goals . In every relationship we enter into , we have certain expectations about that relationship . For instance , if your goal is to get closer to another person through communication , you might share your thoughts and feelings and expect the other person to do the same . If they do not , then you will probably feel like the goals in your relationship were not met because they didn share information . The same goes for other types of relationships . We typically expect that our significant other will be truthful , supportive , and faithful . If they break that goal , then it causes problems in the relationship and could end the relationship . Hence , in all our relationships , we have goals and expectations about how the relationship will function and operate . Significant Relationships Think about all the relationships that you have in your life . Which ones are the most meaningful and significant for you ?

do you consider these relationships as the most notable one ( for you ?

Your , teachers , friends , family members , and love interests can all as significant relationships for you . Significant relationships have a huge impact on our communication behaviors and our interpretation of these conversations . Significant relationships impact who are and help us grow . These relationships can a variety of purposes in our lives . Purposes of Relationships Relationships can serve a variety of purposes work , task , and social . First , relationships can be related . We might have a significant work relationship that helps us advance our professional career . might have work relationships that might support us in gaining financial benefits or better work opportunities . Second , We might have significant relationships that are . may have a specific task that We need to accomplish with this other person . It might be a project or a . After the task is completed , then the relationship may end . For instance , a high school coach may as a significant relationship . You and your coach might have a task or plan to go to the state competition . You and your coach will work on ways to help you . However , after you complete high school and your task has ended , then you might keep in contact with the coach , or you may not since your competition ( task ) has ended . The last purpose is for social reasons . VVe may have social reasons for pursuing a relationship . These can include pleasure , inclusion , control , affection . Each relationship that we have with another person has a specific purpose . may like to spend time with a particular friend because we love talking to them at the same time , we might like spending time with another friend because we know that they can help us become more involved with extracurricular activities . Elements of a Good Relationship In , relationships are meaningful and beneficial . Relationships allow us to grow psychologically , emotionally , and physically . VVe can connect with others and truly communicate . The satisfaction of our relationships usually determines our happiness and health . I

Keg Takeaways The nature of a relationship is not determined often , it evolves and is and over time . Relationship characteristics include duration , contact frequency , sharing , support , interaction variability , and goals . The purposes of a relationship are for and health . Elements of a good relationship include trust , willingness to work together to maintain the relationship , support , intimacy , and skills for dealing with emotions . Con ( an inventory of your relationships . Think of all the people in your life and how they meet each of the relationship characteristics . rite a list of all the good relationships that you have with others or witnessed . hat makes these relationships good ?

Is it similar to what We talked about in this chapter ?

as anything different ?

Why ?

a hypothetical relationship article for a website . elements make a lasting relationship ?

VVhat would you Write ?

VVhat would you Why ?

Let a friend read it and provide input . Relationship . Understand attraction . Ascertain reasons for attraction . ma 32 LU ' Realize the different types of attraction . Have you ever Wondered why people pick certain relationships over others ?

can pick our family members , although I know some people Wish they could . VVe can , however , select who our friends and significant others are in our lives . Throughout our lives , we pick and select people that we build a connection to and have an attraction towards . We tend to avoid certain people who we don find attractive . Understanding Attraction Researchers have identified three primary types of attraction physical , social , and task . Physical attraction refers to the degree to which you find another person aesthetically pleasing . VVhat is deemed aesthetically pleasing can alter greatly from one culture to the next . also know that pop culture can greatly define what is considered to be physically appealing from one era to the next . Think of the

curvaceous ideal of Marilyn Monroe and Elizabeth Taylor in the as compared to the thin Halle or Anne . Although discussions of male attraction occur less often , they are impacted by pop culture . In the , you had solid men like Robert and Marlon as compared to the heavily muscled men of today like Joe or Zac . The second type of attraction is social attraction , or the degree to which an individual sees another person as entertaining , intriguing , and fun to be around . VVe all have sources when it comes to the amount of time we have in a given . prefer to socialize with people that we think are fun . These people may entertain us or they may just fascinate us . matter the reason , we find some people more socially desirable than others . Social attraction can also be a factor of power , for example , in situations where there are kids in the and those that are not . In this case , those that are considered popular hold more power and are perceived as being more socially desirable to associate with . This relationship becomes problematic when these decide to use this social desirability as a tool or weapon against others . The final type of attraction is task attraction , or people we are attracted to because they possess specific or skills that help us accomplish specific goals . The first part of this definition requires that the target of task attraction possess specific knowledge or skills . Maybe you have a friend who is good with computers who will always fix your computer when something goes wrong . Maybe you have a friend who is good in math and can tutor you . Of course , the of these relationships is to help you accomplish your own goals . In the first case , you have the goal of not having a broken ( computer . In the second case , you have the goal of passing math . This is not to say that an individual may only be viewed as task attractive , but many relationships we form are because of task attraction in our lives . Reasons for Attraction Now that we ve looked at the basics of what attraction is , let switch gears and talk about why we are attracted to each other . There are several reasons researchers have found for our attraction to others , including proximity , perceived gain , similarities and differences , and disclosure . Physical Proximity you ask some people how they met their significant other , you will often hear proximity is a factor in how they met . Perhaps , they were taking the same class or their families went to the same grocery store . These common places create opportunities for others to meet and mingle . We are more likely to talk to people that we see frequently . Physical Attractiveness In interactions , you are more likely to pay attention to someone you find more attractive than others . Research shows that males place more emphasis on physical attractiveness than Appearance is important at the beginning of the relationship . Perceived Gain This type of relationship might appear to be like an economic model and can be explained by exchange In other words , we will form relationships with people who can offer us rewards that outweigh ' I

the costs . Rewards are the things we want to acquire . They could be tangible ( food , money , clothes ) or intangible ( support , admiration , status ) Costs are undesirable things that we don want to expend a lot of energy to do . For instance , we don want to have to constantly nag the other person to call us or spend a lot of time arguing about past items . A good relationship will have fewer costs and more rewards . A bad relationship will have more costs and fewer rewards . Often , when people decide to stay or leave a relationship , they will consider the costs and rewards in the relationship . Costs and rewards are not the only factors in a relationship . Partners also consider alternatives in the relationship . For instance , Becky and Alan have been together for a few years . Becky adores Alan and wants to marry him , but she feels that there are some problems in the relationship . Alan has a horrible temper he is pessimistic and he is critical of her . Becky has gained some , and Alan has said some hurtful things to her . Becky knows that every relationship will have issues . She doesn know whether to continue this relationship and take it further or if she should end it . Her first alternative is called the comparison level ( which is the minimum standard that she is willing to tolerate . If Becky believes that it is ok for a person to hurtful things to her or get angry , then Alan is meeting or exceeding her . However , if past romantic partners have never said anything hurtful towards her , then she would have a lower . Becky will also consider another alternative , which is the comparison level of alternatives ( or the comparison between current relationship rewards and what she might get in another relationship . If she doesn want to be single , then she might have a lower of alternatives . If she has another potential mate who ( probably treat her better , then she would have a higher level of alternatives . use this calculation all the time in relationships . Often when people are considering the possibility to end a relationship , they will consider all alternatives rather than just focusing on costs and rewards . Similarities and Differences It feels comforting when someone who appears to like the same things you like also has other similarities to you . Thus , you don have to explain yourself or give reasons for doing things a certain way . People with similar cultural , ethnic , or religious backgrounds are typically to each other for this reason . It is also known as similarity thesis . The similarity thesis basically states that we are attracted to and tend to form relationships with others who are similar to There are three reasons why similarity thesis works validation , predictability , and affiliation . First , it is validating to know that someone likes the same things that we do . It confirms and endorses what we believe . In turn , it increases support and affection . Second , when we are similar to another person , we can make predictions about what they will like and not like . VVe can make better and expectations about what the person will do and how they will behave . The third reason is due to the fact that we like others that are similar to us and thus they should like us because we are the same . Hence , it creates affiliation or connection with that other person . However , there are some people who are attracted to someone completely opposite from who they are . This is where differences come into . Differences can make a relationship stronger , especially when you have a relationship that is Complementary . In complementary relationships , each person in the relationship can help satisfy the other person needs . For instance , one person likes to talk , and the other person likes to listen . They get along great because they can be comfortable in their communication behaviors and roles . In addition , they don have to argue over who will need to talk . Another example might be that one person likes to cook , and the other person likes to eat . This is a great relationship because both people are getting what they like , and it complements each other talents . Usually , friction will occur when there are differences of opinion or control issues . For example , if you have someone who loves to spend money and the other person who loves to save money , it might be hard to decide 260

how to financial issues . is 03 re Sometimes we form relationships with others after we have disclosed something about ourselves to others . Disclosure increases liking because it creates support and trust between you and this other person . typically don disclose our most intimate thoughts to a stranger . We do this behavior with people We are close to because it creates a bond with the other person . Disclosure is not the only factor that can lead to forming relationships . Disclosure needs to be appropriate and reciprocal . In other words , if you provide information , it must be mutual . If you reveal too or too little , it might be regarded as inappropriate and can create tension . Also , if you disclose information too soon or too quickly in the relationship , it can create some negative outcomes . Keg Takeaways can be attracted to another person via various ways . It might be due to physical proximity , physical appearance , perceived gain , and disclosure . deepening of relationships can occur through disclosure and mutual trust . Relationships end through some form of separation or dissolution . Take a poll of the couples that you know and how they met . Which category does it fall into ?

Is there a difference among your couples and how they met ?

are some ways that you could form a relationship others Discuss your with the class . How is it to what we talked about in this chapter ?

Discuss how and why a certain relationship that you know dissolved . were the reasons or factors that caused the separation ?

Stages of Relationships . Describe the coming together stages . Discern the coming apart stages . ma 32 LU ' Realize relationship maintenance strategies . Every relationship goes through various stages . Mark first introduced a series of stages through can progress . This model was later modified by himself and coauthor Anita to create a model of relationships . They believe that we come together and we can come 261 '

Coming Together Bonding Integrating Experimenting Initiating Differentiating Stagnating Avoiding Terminating I Apart Figure and Model of Relationships apart in stages . Relationships can get stronger or Weaker . Most relationships go or all of these stages . Coming Together Do you when you first met that special someone in life How ( lid your relationship start ?

How ( lid you two become closer ?

Every relationship to start somewhere . It begins and grows . In this section , we will learn about the coming together stages , which include initiating , experimenting , intensifying , integrating , and then bonding . Initiating At the beginning of every relationship , we have to out if we Want to put in the energy and effort to talk to the other person . If we are interested in pursuing the relationship , we have to let the other person know that we are interested in initiating a conversation . There are different types of initiation . Sustaining is trying to continue the conversation . Networking is where you contact others for a relationship . An offering is where you present your interest in some manner . Approaching is where you directly make contact with the other person . We can begin a relationship in a variety of different ways . at this initiating stage is very brief . We might say hello and introduce yourself to the other person . You might smile or wink to let the other person know you are interested in making conversation with him or her . The conversation is very superficial and not very personal at all . At this , 262

stage , We are primarily interested in making contact . Experimenting After initiated communication with the other person , we go to the next stage , which is experimenting . At this stage , you are trying to figure out if you want to continue the relationship further . are trying to learn more about the other person . At this stage , interactions are very casual . You are looking for common ground or similarities that you . You might talk about your favorite things , such as colors , sports , teachers , etc . ust like the name of the stage , we are experimenting and trying to out if we should move towards the next stag or not . After We talk with the other person and decide that this is someone we want to a relationship with , we enter the intensifying stage . more intimate personal information about ourselves with that person . Conversations become more serious , and our interactions are more meaningful . At this stage , you might stop saying I and say So , in the past , you might have said to your partner , I am having a night out with my It changes to we are going out with my friends VVe are becoming more serious about the relationship . Integrating integrating stage is where two people truly become a couple . Before they might been dating or enjoying each other , but in this stage , they are letting people know that they are exclusively dating each other . The expectations in the relationship are higher than they were before . Your knowledge of your partner has increased . The amount of time that you spend with each other is greater . Bonding The next stage is the bonding stage , where you reveal to the World that your relationship to each other now exists . It might be as simple as a Facebook post . For others , the bonding stage is Where they get engaged and have an engagement announcement . For those that are very committed to the relationship , they might decide to a wedding and get married . In every case , they are making their relationship a public announcement . They want others to know that their relationship is real . Coming Apart Some couples can stay in committed and Wonderful relationships . However , there are some couples for Whom , after bonding , things seem to fall apart . No matter how hard they try to stay together , there is tension and disagreement . These couples go through a coming apart process that involves differentiating , stagnating , avoiding , and terminating . Differentiating The differentiating stage is both people are trying to figure out their own identities . Thus , instead of trying to say we , the partners will question how am I different ?

In this stage , differences are emphasized and similarities are overlooked . I As the partners differentiate themselves from each other , they tend to engage in more disagreements . couples will tend to their pronoun use our kitchen becomes my kitchen or our child becomes my child , depending on what they want to emphasize . Initially , in the relationship , we tend to focus on we have in common with each other . After we have bonded , we are trying to deal with balancing our independence from the other person . If this can not be resolved , then tensions will emerge , and it usually signals that your relationship is coming apart . stage is where the partners tend to limit their interactions with each other . Communication will lessen in quality and quantity . Partners try to out they can and can talk about with each other so that they will not argue . Partners might not spend as much time with each other at this stage . There are fewer physical displays of affection , as well . Intimacy decreases between the partners . The partners no longer desire to be with each other and only communicate when they have to . Stagnating The next stage is Stagnating , which means the relationship is not improving or growing . The relationship is motionless or stagnating . Partners do not try to communicate with each other . When communication does occur , it is usually restrained and often awkward . The partners live with each other physically but not emotionally . They tend to distance themselves from the other person . Their enthusiasm for the relationship is gone . What used to be fun and exciting for the couple is now a chore . Avoiding The avoiding stage is where people avoid each other altogether . They would rather stay away from each other than communicate . At this stag , the partners do not want to see each other or speak to each other . Sometimes , the partners will think that they dont want to be in the relationship any longer . Terminating The terminating stage is where the parties decide to end or terminate the relationship . It is never easy to end a relationship . A variety of factors can determine whether to cease or continue the relationship . Time is a factor . Couples to decide to end it gradually or quickly . Couples also have to determine what happens after the termination of the relationship . Besides , partners to choose they want to end the relationship . For instance , people end the relationship via electronic means ( eg , text message , email , Facebook posting ) or via . Final Thoughts on Coming Together Not every relationship will go through each of the ten stages . Several relationships do not go past the experimenting stag . Some remain happy at the intensifying or bonding stage . When both people agree that their relationship is satisfying and each person has their needs met , then stabilization occurs . Some relationships go out of order as well . For instance , in arranged marriages , the bonding occurs first , and then the couple goes through various phases . Some people jump from one stage into another . When 264

partners disagree about what is optimal stabilization , then disagreements and ( Will occur . In today world , romantic relationships can take on a variety of different meanings and expectations . For instance , havin friends With benefits are terms that ) eo ) le mi use to describe I I I the status of their relationship . Many people might engage in a variety of relationships but ( necessarily get married . We know that relationships vary from couple to ( No matter what the relationship type , decided to ( me together or come apart . Relationship Maintenance You may have heard that relationships are hard work . Relationships need maintenance and care . Just like your body needs food and your car needs gasoline to run , your relationships need attention as Well . When people are in a relationship With each other , what makes a difference to keep people together is hoW they feel When they are With each other . Maintenance can make a relationship ( re satisfying and successful . Daniel Canary and Laura stated that most people desire , stable , and satisfying ( keep a satisfying relationship , individuals must utilize relationship maintenance behaviors . They believed that if individuals do not maintain their relationships , the relationships Will weaken end . It is naive to assume that relationships simply together until they fall apart or that they happen to 12 Joe Ayres studied how individuals maintain i a a their interpersonal Through I Advice factor analysis , he identified three types of Figure Relationship Maintenance Behaviors Openness Assurances strategies . First , avoidance strategies are used ( evade communication that might threaten the relationship . Second , balance strategies are used to maintain equality in the relationship so that partners do not feel or from being in the relationship . Third , direct strategies are used ( evaluate and remind the partner of relationship objectives . It is worth ( ting that oe Ayers found that relationship intent had a major influence on the perceptions of the relationship partners . If partners wanted ( together , they would make more of an effort to employ maintenance strategies than deterioration strategies . Laura and Daniel Canary ( 1991 ) found five key relationship maintenance behaviors ( Figure ) First , positivity is a relational maintenance factor used by communicating With their partners in a happy and supportive manner . Second , openness occurs when partners focus their communication on the relationship . Third , assurances are words that emphasize the partners commitment to the duration 265

of the relationship . Fourth , networking is communicating With family and friends . Lastly , sharing tasks is doing work or tasks . Later , Canary and his colleagues found two more relationship maintenance behaviors conflict management and Additionally , Canary and also posited four propositions that serve as a conceptual framework for relationship maintenance The first proposition is that relationships will worsen if they are not maintained . second proposition is that partners must feel that there are equal benefits and sacrifices in the relationship for it to sustain . The third proposition states that maintenance behaviors depend on the type of relationship . The fourth proposition is that relationship maintenance can be use ( alone or as a mixture to affect perceptions of the relationship . Overall , these propositions illustrate the importance and effect that relationship maintenance behaviors can have on relationships . Relationship maintenance is the stabilization point between relationship initiation and potential relationship There are two elements to relationship maintenance . First , strategic plans are intentional behaviors and actions used to maintain the relationship . Second , everyday interactions help to sustain the relationship . Talk is the most important element in relationship MINDFULNESS ACTIVITY Learning how to use mindfulness in our interpersonal relationships is one way to ensure healthy relationships . Lauren recommends using the RAIN method when interacting with one relational partners Recognize recognize and name emotions you feel in the present moment . Allow Acknowledge , accept , and allow your emotions to be as they are without trying to change them . Allowing does not mean you like what is happening , but that you allow it , dislike and all . Investigate with kindness Ask yourself , What am I experiencing inside my body ?

What is calling my attention ?

What does this feeling need from me ?

with Observe thoughts , feelings , and sensations without attaching to them . If you notice painful feelings , nurture them by placing a hand over your heart or speaking words of kindness , reassurance , and compassion , such as I see you re suffering , or I sony , or I love you , I For this activity , we want you to use the RAIN method in a conversation with your romantic partner . As an alternative variant , both of you can engage in the RAIN method and discuss a recent conflict you had . The goal is not to establish fault or a attitude , but rather to learn to empathize your partner and their perspective . Keg Takeaways The coming together stages include initiating , experimenting , intensifying , integrating , an ( bonding . The coming apart stages include differentiating , stagnating , avoiding , and terminating . Relationship maintenance strategies include positivity , openness , assurances , tasks , conflict management , social networks , and advice . 266

Find video clips online illustrate each of the coming apart stages . Show to your class . Do you ?

Do a of a relationship that you been involved with or have witnessed . How did the two people come together and come apart ?

Did they go through all the stages ?

not ?

rite down an example of the relationship maintenance strategies . Then , rank order in terms of importance to . did you rank them the way that you did ?

Find a peer and compare your answers . Communication in Relationships . Learn how communication varies . Analyze relationship dialectics . ma 32 LU ' Understand in relationships . Relationship Dialectics know that all relationships go through change . The changes in a relationship are usually dependent on communication . a relationship starts , there is a lot of positive and ample communication between the parties . However , sometimes couples go through a redundant problem , and it is important to learn how to deal with this problem . Partners can always know what their significant other desires or needs from them . Dialectics had been a concept known Well to many scholars for many years . They are simply the pushes and pulls that can be found every in relationships of all types . Conversation involves people who must learn to adapt to other while still maintaining their The theory emphasizes interactions allowing for more flexibility to explain how couples maintain a , ve union . This perspective views relationships as simply managing the tensions that arise because they can not be fully resolved . The management of the tensions is usually based on past experiences what worked for a person in the past will be What they decide to use in the future . These tensions are both contradictory and interdependent because without one , the other is not understood . Leslie Baxter , the scholar who developed this theory , pulled from as many outside sources as she could to better understand the phenomenon of dialectical tensions relationships . The development began by closely studying the works of Mikhail , who was a Russian scholar of culture , literature , philosophy , and language . Baxter interested in his life work the theory often was referred to as dialogism . argued that life is a social process of dialogue that is characterized by the concurrent coming together and separating of individual perspectives . Early in Baxter career , she noticed that while she was interested in the termination of relationships , her colleagues were interested in the beginnings . Although her colleagues were interested in disclosure , she was interested in . At this point , it still had not occurred to her that these opposing '

interests in research would lead to the understanding of dialectical tensions . She continued to research these subjects and read as much as she could on Marxist and dialectics as she found these writings to be both fascinating and frustrating . She processed these Writings slowly , and the concepts slowly began to show up in her work . In 1993 , Baxter and Montgomery began writing a book on dialectics called Dialogues and Dialectics . This was her first official work done on dialectics and its conversational effects . She continued writing about dialectics and continued to expand the concepts as she further researched families , romantic relationships , and friendships . then , Baxter has continually changed and shifted her studies to find new and better ways to use the theory . After conducting a series of interviews , both Baxter and Montgomery began to see themes in the tensions experienced in romantic relationships . Their overarching research premise ( which is applicable to all relationships , including relationships ) is that all personal ties and relationships are always in a state of constant flux and contradiction . Relational dialectics highlight a dynamic knot of contradictions in personal relationships an unceasing between contrary or opposing The concept of contradiction is crucial to understanding relational dialectics . The contradiction is when there are opposing sides to a situation . These contradictions tend to arise when both parties are considered interdependent . Dialectical tension is natural and inevitable . All relationships are complex because human beings are complex , and this fact is in our communicative processes . Baxter and Montgomery argue that tension arises because we are to the antitheses of opposing sides . These contradictions must be met with a approach as opposed to the or mindset . However , the approach lends to tension and pressure , which almost always guarantees that relationships are not easy . Dialectical tension is how individuals deal with struggles in their relationship . There are opposing forces or struggles that couples have to deal with . It is based on Leslie Baxter and Barbara Relational Dialectics Theory in 1996 . Below are some different relational ration This is where partners seek involvement but are not willing to sacrifice their entire identity . For instance , in a marriage , some women struggle with taking their partner last name , keeping their maiden name or combining the two . Often when partners were single , they might have engaged in a girl night out or a guy night out . in a committed relationship , one partner might feel left out and want to be more involved . Thus , struggles and conflict occur until the couple can figure out a way to deal with this issue . This deals with compared to novelty . For instance , for some mothers , it is tough to accept that their child is an adult . They want their child to grow up , at the same time it is difficult to recognize how their child has grown up . Disclosure is nec ary , but there is a need for privacy . For some couples , diaries work to keep things private . Yet , there are times when their partner needs to know what can be expressed directly through words . 268

This tension deals with self others . Some couples are similar in their thinking and beliefs . This is good because it makes communication easier and conflict smoother . Yet , if partners are too similar , then they can not grow . Differences can help couples mature and create stimulation . Couples will perceive some things as good and some things as bad . Their perceptions of what is real may interfere with or inhibit perceptions of what is real . For instance , a couple may think that their relationship is perfect . But from an outsider , they might think that the relationship is abusive and devastating . Another example might be that a young dating couple thinks that they do not have to many each other because it is the ideal and accepted view of taking the relationship to the next phase . Thus , the couples move in together and raise a family Without being married . They have deviated from What is an ideal normative cultural Every relationship is fraught with these dialectical tensions . There no way around them . However , there are different ways of managing dialectical tensions Denial is Where we respond to one end . Disorientation is Where we feel overwhelmed . fight , freeze , or leave . Alternation is Where we choose one end on different occasions . Recalibration is the situation or perspective . Segmentation is where we compartmentalize different areas . Balance is where we manage and compromise our needs . Integration is blending different perspectives . is having the knowledge accepting our differences . Not every couple deals with dialectical tensions in the same Way . Some will use a certain strategy during specific situations , and others Will use the same strategy every time there is tension . You have to decide what is best for you based on the situation . In Chapter , we started our discussion of . We discussed Sidney basic definition of , the act of making yourself manifest , yourself so others can perceive ( believed that was to have good mental health . All in all , took a very humanistic or health approach to because he deemed that it was an essential and integral part of our wellbeing . Individuals disclose for a variety of reasons . Sandra has presented five potential reasons for ( a ) expression , social value , relationship development , and ( social control and explained , for each type of disclosure , there is a corresponding expectation communicated that influences the choice of I ( Four considerations are pertinent to First , the type of relationship will affect individuals need to disclose . The more significant the disclose is to the discloser , then the greater the need more to disclose information . Second , the disclosure has a ratio . In other words , individuals who disclose certain types of information , may risk losing certain things ( career or pride ) or may ' I

benefit certain things ( trust or security ) Third , the appropriateness and relevance to the situation impacts what gets disclosed and what does not get disclosed . Fourth , disclosure depends on reciprocity . Individuals will disclose similar amounts of information to each other . The amount of disclosure that we are Willing to share with others also depends on other factors . It is based on honesty , depth , of information , and the environment . First , when we disclose to others , we can truly reveal characteristics about ourselves , or we can lie . In a recent study , it was found that most college students lie when initially meeting someone new for the first time . The cause is because we want to impress others . A lot of deception occurs in online because sometimes people do not want to reveal who they really are , because of possible repercussions . Depth is another factor of . I talk to my parents , I can share hours of information about my day with them . I can talk about all sorts of things with them . However , I have a friend who is only willing to talk about the weather and what he ate with his parents . As you can see , the depth of information is very different . One person only talks about superficial facts , and the other person delves a lot deeper and is Willing to discuss more themselves . The availability of information has an impact as well . For instance , if you have more information on a certain topic , you might be willing to share more comments on the matter . For instance , say you and your friends are trying to decide which presidential candidate to support in the next election . You might be more Willing to what you know about a candidate and your opinions about that candidate based on your information . However , you might be less Willing to comment on another candidate if you don know their platform or background . The context or environment also has an impact on . For instance , have you ever noticed that people tend to open up about themselves when they are in a confined space , such as an ?

It is so interesting to see how people are willing to share personal information about themselves with a total stranger only because the other person is doing it as well . Alternatives to So , if you don want to to others , what are some techniques that you can use ?

First , you can use deception . Sometimes people he simply to avoid conflict . This is true in cases where the person may become extremely upset . They can lie to gain power or to save face . They can also lie to guide the interaction . Second , you can equivocate . This means you don answer the question or provide your comments . Rather , you simply restated what they said differently . For instance , Sally sa is , how do you like my new dress ?

you can say That a new outfit ! In this case , you don provide how you feel , and you don disclose your opinion . You only offer the information that has been to you . Third , you can hint . Perhaps , you don want to lie or equivocate to someone you care about . You might use indirect or comments . For example , if your roommate has not helped you clean your apartment , you might things like , It sure is messy in here or This place could really use some Keg Takeaways Communication is personalized . It can be symmetrical or . Communication has two levels content and relational . Relationship dialectics are tensions that happen in a relationship . Partners have to 270

( leal with integration separation , change , an ( expression privacy . is important in relationships because it allows you to share more information about yourself with another person . Find a transcript of your favorite ( sitcom on the Internet . See if you can i ( which types of ( is ( an ( which are I iC ?

Consider three different issues that you might be dealing in a relationship that you have with another person . What are the relationship ( tensions ?

are you handling these tensions ?

what strategy you are using to deal with this tension . Why ?

Create a list ( if all the reasons you would ( se an ( why you would not ( Discuss the in class . Were there ( or similarities ?

Relationships , Define the term date and the associated with the term . Describe the importance of scripts in dating relationships . ma 32 LU ' Differentiate among the five types of love . talk of dating as a single construct a lot ( if the time without really thinking through how dating has ( over time . In the 20 alone , we saw dating go from a highly formalized structure involving calling cards and sitting rooms to movies in the back seat ( a car to with people we ve never The 21 Century has already changed how people date through social networking sites and ( apps on smartphones . Dating is not a single thing , aii ( has ( with the times . So , with all ( if this change , how does one even begin ( know if someone on a ( late in the first place ?

Thankfully Paul , and Carolyn have attempted ( answer this question for The researchers found that there are five ( if what they called that help define the term date communication expectations , date goals , date elements , dyadic , an ( feelings . First , dating involves specific communication expectations . For example , people expect that there will be a certain level of on a ( late . Furthermore , people expect that their ( partner will be polite , relaxed , and social . Second , involves specific ( late goals , or people on dates have specific goals ( future romantic relationships , reduce uncertainty , have fun ) Third , there are ( late elements . For example , someone has to initiate the ( late we get ready for a ( late , we know when the ( late has started an ( stopped , there are activities that constitute the ( late , etc . Fourth , dates are dyadic , or ( is a ( activity . Now , this ( necessarily take into account the idea ( if group dates , but even on a group ( late there are dyadic couples that are involved in the ( late itself . Lastly , 71 '

( involve feelings . These feelings range from ( feelings or behaviors ) attraction ( physical an ( or emotional ( toward the partner ) to romantic ( have romantic overtones ) Dating Scripts All of us are going to spend a portion ( our lives in some kind ( relationship . We are initiating dates , or terminating relationships , We spend a great deal of time ( publishes an annual study examining singles in the United States ) data from here are some of the realities of ino ( single life did not go on any first dates , while only went on one first ( late . Of those who Went on a first ( late , met the person on an ( While met the person through a friend . it comes ( being passionately in love , have never been in love , have been in love once , an ( have been in ( ve twice . have a checklist when it comes to ( ling a romantic partner . believe that loving someone is hard work . believe that love is a possibility for them . believe that love is hard ( find in today world . of ( partners have disagreed on how to label their relationship , aii ( have left a relationship ( ver this disagreement . it comes ( first dates , participants preferred either quick an ( coffee , drinks ) or more formal ( 21 , dinner , brunch ) had been in a friends with benefits relationship . had a friendship that turned into a significant romantic relationship . have dated ( ne they met ( had created at least one profile on a ( website or app . A ( this study is probably pretty because the data were not broken down by sexual orientation . Furthermore , we don have similar data for bisexual , gay , and lesbian couples . Dating is one ( those things We will spend a lot of time doing before we ever settle down an ( get married ( assuming you ever do ( have a desire to do so ) So , one must imagine that with so much dating going on in the world , we have a pretty good grasp ( how ( works . Robert originally proposed the idea of script back in the late He defined a script as a coherent sequence of events expected by the individual , involving him as either a participant or an 32 According to script ( ry , people ten ( to pattern their responses an ( behaviors during different social interactions to take control of that situation . This does require an individual to be able to imagine their past , present , an ( future behavior to create this In 1993 , Rose an ( Irene Frieze applied notions ( script ( ry to ( They had college students keep records of what they ( li ( on a ( late . Ultimately , two different scripts were derived one for men an ( one for women . The male script consisted of 15 different behavioral actions ( all initiate ( by the male ) Picked up ( late . Met ( Left 272

Picked up frien ( plans . Talke ( to movies , sh ( Ate . Drank alcohol 10 . Initiate ( sexual contact . Ma ( le out 12 . Took ( late ( 13 . Asked ( another ( late 14 . Kissed goodnight 15 . scripts , on the other hand , behavioral actions for an ( behavioral actions ( of the man ( luring ( late 35 . an ( as nervous . Picked up ( late ( Intro ( luce ( to parents , etc . Courtly behavior ( open ( Left . plans . Got to know evaluate ( late . Talke ( 10 . Enjoyed ( late to movies , show , 12 . Ate 13 . Drank alcohol 14 . Talked to friends 15 . Ha ( Wrong 16 . Took ( late ( male ) 17 . Asked ( another ( late ( male ) 18 . Tol ( late will call her ( male ) 19 . Kissed ( late goo ( male ) Take a sec ( an ( go ( these two lists . Do you think they still apply today ?

How do you think these scripts differ ?

Once again , these ( scripts were created only using heterosexual college students . Do you think these scripts change if you people ( in their late ( What about people who ( late in their , or ?

There been subsequent research in the area of ( scripts . Table ( some of the other ( scripts that researchers found ( this is ( an exhaustive list ) I Get ready ' plans ' plans ' Pick up date ( as nervous ' as nervous meeting Feel nervous ' Talk Go to movie ' date ' Prepare ( Shared Pay ( up , bought Talk ( late . ers , etc . Family and Hold hands ' Met at ' date frien ( Go to ranged location picked Meet in Nonverbal ' Left one ( update public ness ( another ' Left ' Date activities Talk ' Got to know ' Got to Group Drink alcohol ( late ( late ' Dinner Deep ( joked joked Movie tion ' Talked ( friends ' a movie , Talk Mingle with while on ( late show , etc . others ' a movie , drank conclusions Talk show , etc . cohol Good night Leave ' drank ' Positive affect kiss Invite other cohol ' Drank Take ( late in ' Drank used drugs home home used drugs ' Initiate ( Hug ( Initiate ( contact Relationship Polite contact ' development ing Kiss Future plans Part for the night ( Ma ( le out ' Ha ( sex ' Stayed over ' Ma ( le plans ( another ( late ' home ( denotes male behavior Table Dating Scripts goodnight ' Took date home ' home ' Evaluated feelings often think of ( as something that occurs purely among young people before they get married , but we know people in all age groups ( late an ( are looking for romantic relationships of all shapes an ( sizes . One other facet of script theory that is very important to consider is how we learn these scripts in the first place . As you read through ( the male an ( female ( script , lid you consciously think about how you learned ( late Of course not ! However , ve been conditioned since we were very young to ( late . ve ( to adults tell st ( ve watched ( as it is fictionalized on television an ( in movies . Dating narratives surround us , an ( all of these narratives help create the dating scripts that we . Although ( may feel like you re making it up as you go along , you already , 274

possess a treasure trove of information about how dating Works . Thankfully , because we have these cultural images of ( presented to us , we also know that our dating partner ( as long as are from a similar culture ) will have similar dating scripts . Research Spotlight One area that has received a ( amount of attention in . or scripts people engage in when thinking about who can , what the participants should do ( what verbal an ( nonverbal behaviors should be included and in what order they should be used ) an ( where the sexual episode should take ) In 1993 , Timothy Edgar an ( Mary Anne proposed a sexual script theory for In 2010 , thi . was further evaluated ) Betty La France . In La France study , she wanted to examine the verbal an ( nonverbal communication ) that lead to sex . Starting with Edgar and sexual . La France narrowed the list down to the following Public Setting Script Private Setting Script ( Her Apartment ) She brought him a drink . Want to listen to some music ?

asked Sarah . She put on the music . Craig asked , Are your roommates around ?

Craig was standing at the bar when he Sarah . She also noticed him . There was eye contact between them . She glanced away . He approached her . Hi , my name is Craig , he said . I Sarah . How are you doing , she replied . an I buy you a drink ?

he asked . Craig asked , Are you alone No , I came with some friends , she plied . Craig asked her questions about herself , such as she was from and what her major was . She responded to his questions . In return , Sarah asked Craig similar about himself . This is a great apartment , said Craig . He sat next to her on the couch . They engaged in casual conversation . There was eye contact between them . He moved closer to her . You are so beautiful , said Craig . He put his arm around her . Bedroom setting He undressed her . Craig started to undress himself . Sarah helped him to undress . They discussed whether they should use protection . Craig put on a condom . As for the results of this study , La France found that people predicted that as the sexual scripts progressed , the likelihood that Sarah and Craig were going to have sexual intercourse increased . Overall , La France found that the sequence of ) oth verbal and nonverbal sexual behaviors could predict the likelihood that people believed that Sarah and Craig would have sex . For example , in the public setting script , when Sarah says , No , I came Il '

with some friends , this caused people to think that sex could be because the statement indicates that the likelihood of the two leaving alone is less likely . La France , 2010 ) VVhat verbal and nonverbal communication cues lead to sex ?

An of the traditional sexual script . Communication , 58 ( 161 Love Styles An individual love style is considered to be an attitude and describes how love is Attitudes toward love and perceptions of love may change throughout an individual life . College students may perceive love very differently from their parents or guardians because college students are in a different stage of life . College students are living among people their ag who are more than likely single or unmarried . These two factors mean that there are more prospects for dating , and this may lead the college student to conclude that dating any number of these prospects is necessary or even perceive that hooking up with multiple prospects is acceptable . In contrast , individuals with children are financially tied may view romantic relationships as in which goal achievement ( pay off the house , send kids to college , pay off debt , etc . is as important as romance . These differences in perceptions of love can be explored Lee love typology in which he discusses six love styles eros , storge , ludus , agape , and mania ( Figure ) Agape Figure Love Styles Eros Eros is romance and emphasizes love and physical beauty , immediate attraction , emotional intensity , and strong commitment . Eros love involves the early initiation of sexual intimacy and consecutive relationships . Storge Storge love develops slowly out of friendship where stability and psychological closeness are valued along with commitment , which leads to enduring love . Passion and intense emotions are not valued as they are in the eros love style . One of the author uncles was in his and had never been married . However , he employed a woman who cooked and cleaned for him for over 20 years . His family was very surprised to receive an announcement that he was marrying the who took care of him for so long . The formation of their love is a great example of love that arises slowly out of friendship . 276

lover . acceptable by individuals with this love . As such , this type of lover believes that deception and manipulation are acceptable . Individuals with this love style have a low tolerance for commitment , jealousy , and strong emotional attachment . view love as a game , and playing this game with multiple partners is perceived to be Agape In contrast , agape love involves altruism , giving , and love . This love style approaches in a style with gentle caring and tolerance for others . love is known as practical love involving logic and reason . Arranged marriages were often ranged for functional purposes . Kings and Queens of different countries often married to form alliances . This love style may seek out a romantic partner for financial stability , ability to parent , or simple . Mama Mania is the final love style characterized by dependence , uncertainty , jealousy , and emotional upheaval . This type of love is insecure and needs constant reassurance . These love styles should not be considered to be mutually independent . An individual may approach love from a pragmatic stance and have found love that provides financial stability . However , they still feel insecure ( representative of mania ) about whether their romantic partner will remain with them , thus ensuring continued financial stability . It is important to remember that individuals engage in each of these love styles , and it is simply a matter of how much of each love style a person possesses . Research Spotlight ' In 2015 , Alexander , Coop Gordon , and Jennifer Bolden set out to examine the between mindfulness and relational satisfaction in dating . The researchers predicted that mindfulness would lead to a greater sense of differentiation of self , which would then lea ( to greater relationship satisfaction . Differentiation of self has two basic components On an level , differentiation of self refers to an individual al ) to distinguish between thoughts aii ( feelings aii ( purposefully choose one A responses to these thoughts aii ( feelings in present situations . On an interpersonal level , differentiation of self refers to an individual ability to balance intimacy aii ( autonomy in relations with others . The concept of differentiation of self stems out of a ) of research called family systems theory , which we discuss in more detail in Chapter . For now , it important to understand that highly differentiated people have healthier levels of personal autonomy in their interpersonal . Conversely , less differentiated individuals are considered to be more automatically and emotionally reactive in stressful situations aii ( have difficulty maintaining a stable , autonomous sense of self in close In this study , the researchers found that mindfulness led to greater differentiation of self , which in turn , led ' I

to greater overall relationship satisfaction . Gordon , Bolden , Zen and the art of dating Min ( differentiation of self , and satisfaction in dating relationships . Couple and Psychology Research and Practice , 35 Keg Takeaways , and term dating identifying a series of that help the term communication expectations , date goals , date elements , dyadic , and feelings . idea of script theory was originally proposed who the concept of scripts as sequences of events expected by a participant or an observer . Dating scripts , therefore , are patterns of behavior that are expected during a There are six different love styles . Eros is romance and emphasizes love and physical beauty , immediate attraction , emotional intensity , and strong commitment . Second , storge love develops slowly out of friendship where stability and psychological closeness are valued along with commitment , which leads to enduring love . Third , lovers view love as a game , and playing this game with multiple partners is perceived to be acceptable by individuals with this love style . Fourth , agape love involves altruism , giving , and love . Fifth , love is known as practical love involving logic and reason . Lastly , mania love is characterized by dependence , uncertainty , jealousy , and emotional upheaval . Compare a current or past romantic relationship to the of romantic relationships provided in this chapter . are the similarities and differences in your romantic relationship ?

List the physical features you attractive . List the personality factors you attractive . Would you a romantic relationship with someone who possessed the personality characteristics you attractive , but not the physical or why not ?

Now , consider whether you would have a romantic relationship with someone . attractive , but who did not possess the personality characteristics you attractive . you have a romantic relationship with this individual ?

or why not ?

List and each love style . List the love style of each of your parents and grandparents . Explain how your love style developed and whether it was learned from a family member or innate . 278 How Gender Relationships . Discern the difference between sex and gender . Understand the sex and gender differences in communication . ma 32 LU ' Discover ways to improve communication . Biological Sex . Gender Sex refers to one biological status as male or female , as determined by chromosomes and secondary sex characteristics . Gender , however , refers to the behaviors and traits society considers masculine and feminine . Gaur stated the meaning of gender , according to her , depends on the ways a culture defines femininity and masculinity which lead to expectations about how individual women and men should act and communicate and how individuals communicate establishes meanings of gender that in turn , cultural That being said , you can have a female that has a masculine gender and , conversely , a male that has a feminine gender . Gender is all about how society has taught one to perceive the surrounding environment . The different traits that an individual displays is how one interprets gender , while other traits depict how an individual was raised and developed . Heidi Reeder noted that In culture the stereotypically masculine traits include aggressiveness , independence and task orientation . Stereotypically feminine traits include being helpful , warm and Sex is predetermined , and in most cases , it can not be changed , but gender , on the other hand , is fluid and can in many different Ways . Gender is formed at a young age and then reinforced for the remainder of a lifetime . That does not mean that gender can not be changed it just means that one would be going against what gender society deems an individual should be . Gender comes from communication from influential figures in a person life . Gender plays a major role in perceived closeness and we talk about gender , we are not considering what the person is born physically . Rather , we consider What the person feels . Sandra Bem ( 1974 ) was interested in gender roles . She created a Bem Sex Role Inventory ( Based on her findings , she was able to categorized four types of genders feminine , masculine , androgynous ( a combination of both feminine and masculine traits ) and undifferentiated ( neither masculine or feminine ) you combine sex and gender together , you can have eight different combinations masculine males , feminine males , androgynous males , undifferentiated males , masculine females , feminine females , androgynous females , undifferentiated Most people will perceive themselves as or androgynous , rather than undifferentiated . Bem work in gender has been . She contended that there are three main gender perspectives in culture . First , males and females are different . Second , males are considered more dominating than females . Third , the differences between males and females are natural . If we can understand these basic differences , then can communicate and function better . Gender Differences in Interpersonal Communication ' I

Each of gender types will communicate differently . Feminine females Will perceive interpersonal relationships as possibilities to nurture , to articulate their emotions and feelings . Whereas , masculine males will view interpersonal relationships as competition and the potential for gaining something . Androgynous male and androgynous females do not differ in terms of their perceptions of interpersonal relationships . However , androgynous males and females , as as feminine females are likely to sympathize others more than masculine Sex Differences in Interpersonal Communication In the United States , We expectations for how males and females should communicate and learn sex differences at a very young age . and girls , perform , dress , and respond to things differently . Girls are taught that it is okay to cry in public , but boys are to be a It is acceptable for boys to pretend to guns and for girls to pretend to being mothers . Males are conditioned to instrumental roles , are responsibilities . Females are condition to expressive roles , are focused on helping and nurturing others , which are oriented roles . Improving Communication Skills Many popular guides to enhancing communication skills place particular emphasis on exploring your own needs , desires , and motives in the . Some of the goals you in a relationship may be subconscious . By becoming more aware of these goals , and what you Want to achieve in a relationship , you can identify areas of the relationship that you would like to improve and generate ideas for making these changes . Because people in relationships are interconnected and interdependent , it takes people Willing to be open about their needs and goals and willing to work on improving communication and , hence , the in general . As discussed previously , clear communication is necessary to give and receive information . multiple and connotations , and word choice is critical when you communicate about areas of your relationship that are not satisfying . Asking for and providing clarification and sending explicit messages , obtaining feedback to be sure that you are understood , and listening carefully to the feedback are all important components in effective communication . Finally , when you communicate , remember that everyone Wants to be heard , to feel valued , to know that they matter , and to be assured that their ideas are important . Keg Takeaways Sex is biological , and gender is psychological . Males tend to communicate , and females tend to communicate expressively . By becoming more aware of your goals and open to talk about the other person needs , you can improve your communication . 280

As a class , ask everyone to write down all characteristics of males and females . Then , ask one person to mite word on a note . Then , on board in front of the class divide it into two sections males and females . Each student will get the opportunity to put the words into the male or female section . Have a discussion to see if you all agree . Ask all the males to step out of the classroom and ask all the females to stay in the classroom . Each group will come up with ten questions that they always wanted to know about the opposite sex . For instance , do girls open their mouths when putting on mascara ?

Or why do boys recall sports information so well ?

Come back into the classroom together and designate a spokesperson for each side . Males will ask their questions to the females , and females will ask their questions to the males . Each side will get to respond as a group . did you answer the way you did ?

Are there truly differences between males and females ?

On a sheet of paper , divide into two parts and label one side as male and one side as female . Complete the sentence Males and Females are . your words on your paper . Try to write down ten possible answers for females and males . As a class , compare what you wrote down . In this chapter , we Ve explored the range of issues related to building and maintaining relationships . We started by discussing the nature of relationships , which included a discussion of the characteristics of relationships and the importance of relationships . We then discussed the formation and dissolution of relationships . Then we explored the importance of communication in relationships . Lastly , we looked at dating relationships and ended by discussing gender a building and maintaining KEY TERMS Agape Content Level Androgynous Differentiating Attraction Duration Avoiding Empathy Bonding Eros Experimenting Comparison Level Expressive Comparison Level of Alternatives Gender Compatible Goals Complementary Hedge Contact Frequency Initiating

Instrumental Relationship Dialectic Integrating Relationship Level Intensifying Relationship Maintenance Interaction Variability Romantic Relationships Interdependent Intimacy Sex Love Sharing Love Style Social Attraction Ludus Stagnating Mania Storge Physical Attraction Support platonic Symmetrical Relationship Task Attraction Relationship Terminating REAL WORLD GAS Bill and Hillary have been dating each other since they were students in college . They know that they would like to possibly get married and start a family . Before graduation , Bill out that he got his dream job offer in another city . Hillary wants to stay in the same college town , where she grew up and her family lives . She does not want to . In addition , she got ajob offer in the same town that would ) beneficial for her . In the , Hillary thinks that Bill should give up his dream job and sacrifice it for love and their future together . Bills thinks she is being selfish . He thinks he could make enough money so that they could travel back to see her family often . He thinks she is being selfish for not thinking about his feelings and his dreams . Bill knows that he Will never get another opportunity like this again . He also knows he will not find another woman like Hillary . Hillary loves Bill , but she also loves her family . She doesn want a relationship with either of them . Hilary thinks that if they have their ( family , it would be ideal to have other family close to them . hat would you do if you were ?

How do you determine the best decision ?

hat are some possible solutions , and what would ) the best solution ?

If they decide to get married , how do they when would be best and when to have kids ?

hat kind of topics do Bill and need to agree on first ?

in 282 END OF TER . Picking a seat in class the person you like to get to know is of offering approaching networking . The faCt that we are likely to pick a with we frequently cross paths is due to which for relationships appearance similarity reciprocity differences . After 20 years of marriage , Chad and are bored their relationship . They know what the other will do and say every day . This dialectical is expression . Aubrey loves to eat food , but Gavin would rather just eat food . The way the deal with their tensions is to say that they both love to eat food . The strategy they are likely is recalibration balance in , who is a counselor at a Center , the reason she often hears from battered wives for returning to their husbands is , I don have any other plaCe to explanation of why people perform relationships best predicts this relationship ?

disclosure the . is that suggests we are attraCted to those use disclosure appropriately the reward the . that suggests we are attracted to people we believe are give us rewards the thesis that suggests we like people whom we perCeive are like us exchange theory that suggests we form relationships through of potential rewards and Costs the reCiprocity thesis that suggests being liked by others is a strong source of 283

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