Contemporary Families An Equity Lens Textbook Chapter 5 Connection and Love

. CONNECTION AND LOVE AND LOVE ) 147 CONNECTION AND LOVE QUESTIONS As you read this chapter , consider the following questions . How are community and connection important to individuals ?

What theory best helps you understand this idea ?

How are kinship and family similar ?

Different ?

What are the factors contribute to Union Formation ?

Which ones have you the most ?

In what ways does the government partnership , marriage , and break ups ?

How does societal stigma union formations ?

What are the issues related to equity when it comes to partnerships including marriage ?

If you were writing the laws and regulations around taxes and related to union formations and kinship groups , what would they look like ?

148 CONNECTION Elizabeth Pearce Wesley Sharp and Nyssa A human being is a part of the whole called by us universe , a part limited in time and space . He experiences himself , his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest , a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness . This delusion is a kind of prison for us , restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us . Our task must be to free selves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to embrace all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty . Einstein The need for , and of , being connected in an emotional and social way to other human beings is one of the central foundations of family life . The quote speaks to the tension amongst Western , Eastern , and Indigenous views about individuality and collectivism . He refers to the optical delusion ( what we might call a social construction ) of seeing ourselves as separate beings from others and the natural world . Increasing layers of research , however , speak to the importance of close social relationships ( and ) as well as the wider circle of social networks Theorists who discuss families , parenting , and mate selection rely on an underlying principle that it is the mutual social and emotional interdependence of human beings that fosters family development and growth . In addition , our ability to connect to the greater society and planet , including those who are less similar or related to us , enhances our care for family and community . An emphasis of this text is the disposition of being willing to listen and to learn about the greater community in which we live . As we discuss social connection , we are referring to qualities and experiences such as Positive relationships with others in the social world Attachment , an affectionate emotional connection with at least one other A feeling of belonging and lack of feeling of exclusion Social support , which includes connection but may also include informational support , appraisal . Doty , 2013 ) Social Connection and Compassion Important and . Social Research An International Quarterly 80 (

149 port ( such as personal feedback or affirmation ) or practical support ( such as money or labor ) The act of nurturing and being nurtured ' An individual perception of all of the above . It matters most to the individual what they perceive as connection and support , and less how others would view it . For example , in Ecological Systems Theory , he shows the individual within circles that emphasize all the people and places in that person life . The outer circles include the munity values and norms , as well as the person location in time and geography . Although systems ( for more on theory , see the Studying Families chapter ) it can be argued that all systems consist of people . It is the people within these circles that will interact with and impact each of us . Abraham Hierarchy of Needs Theory , also discussed in the Studying Families chapter , includes the emotional need for affection and loving connections to others once basic physiological and biological needs are met . In contrast , there are theories created by multiple indigenous groups , and best documented by the Blackfoot Nation in North America , that emphasize the of not just the individual , but of the community as the most primary of needs . Transcendence Self . actualization Cultural Aesthetic Know Understand Esteem safety Self actualization Physiological Western Perspective First Nations Perspective Fig . Comparison between Hierarchy and First Nation Perspective . In 1938 spent time with the Blackfoot Nation to archival photo ! in Canada prior to releasing

150 I his Hierarchy of Needs theory . It is believed that he based the structure on the Blackfoot ideas but westernized the focus to be on the individual rather than on the community If we look more closely at the representation of Blackfoot ideas , it can be seen that the of the individual , the family , and the community are based on connectedness , the closeness that we experience with family and friends , and the extension that we provide to others in our communities and in the world . In addition , this model focuses on time the top of the teepee is cultural perpetuity and it symbolizes a munity culture lasting forever . theory is of value , but the of it as a theory of human development rather than as a Western Cultural Theory of Human Development mistakenly applies what observed to all human beings . Bringing theories from other cultures and geographical regions forward helps us to understand the of ways that human beings develop and to recognize the value of the diversity of family experience and beliefs . Human connectedness and relationships are increasingly associated with better health outcomes and longevity . The World Health Organization now lists Social Support Networks as a determinant of health . Their webpage notes that a person social environment , including culture and community beliefs , is a key determinant in overall Household sizes are decreasing , and families are more often living apart . Employment and education options mean that some families make the choice to live distantly from their of origin . But other families live apart , not by choice , but because of immigration laws that restrict family cohesion , or economic needs that force a choice between survival and family togetherness . This country has a history of immigration law that has often separated families , including spouses . For more on this topic , look back at the Social Construction of Families chapter . This practice contributes to the number of transnational families , many of whom are involuntarily so . In 2018 , the United States developed a zero tolerance policy toward illegal immigration from the South and imprisoned families seeking legal status , separating children from parents . Although the policy was ended 2018 , it has continued to at least October 2019 , with about additional children being separated from their parents since that time . If you would like to read more about this particular policy , there is a deep dive on this Human Rights Watch and there are links to detailed fact sheets and descriptions of visits to the facilities where parents , babies , toddlers , and children are being Public health officials are working to move forward the of social connections as a part of . Bray , 2019 , March 10 ) Hierarchy and Blackfoot Nation beliefs . Retrieved December 28 , 2019 , from . World Health Organization . 2020 ) The social of health . Retrieved March , 2020 , from . Trump administration family separation policy . 2020 ) Wikipedia . Retrieved April 24 , 2020 , from

CONNECTION 151 health efforts in the United States . They propose examining current evidence and research , conducting research , and creating a consensus process amongst experts related to social connectedness Families in the United States have the opportunity to know and be connected to people of many ties , histories , experiences , and cultures . It is important to acknowledge one of the underlying motivations for connecting to others that we see as different from ourselves a feeling of similarity and Similarity initially connects us and draws us together , and it is possible to see similarity in people that we might identify as a member of the other group . It seems that once we feel connected to others that a more familial sense of can develop , which then individuals and the greater community . This research supports the belief systems of indigenous peoples , such as the Blackfoot Nation discussed earlier , and Eastern philosophies which see a reciprocal relationship between the good of the community , the planet , and the good of individuals . In this chapter , we will explore kinship connections , including chosen families and partner or mate tion . In addition , we will look more closely at the factors that affect our partner choices and family formations , including psychological , societal , and institutional factors . Kinship Kinship refers to the broader social structure that ties people together ( whether by blood , marriage , legal processes , or other agreements ) and includes family relationships . Kinship acknowledges that individuals have a role in who is a member of their own family and how familial relationships extend across society . At times we may use the terms or kinship groups interchangeably with families to remind ourselves of this broader . A . 2017 ) Advancing social connection as a public health priority in the United States . American Psychologist , 72 ( Brown , Lewis , Luce , 1997 ) the When one into one equals oneness . Journal and Social Psychology , 73 (

152 Fig . Connection to other people is a foundational need in kinship groups . Chosen According to The SAGE , Family , and Couple , chosen families are biological kinship bonds , whether legally recognized or not , deliberately chosen for the purpose of mutual port and love ?

Chosen Family is an option for every individual , although it has historically been associated with the culture . People who identify as lesbian , gay , or other stigmatized identities have times been disowned by families who do not accept these identities and therefore do not accept their children ( or other family members ) You may wonder if they are the only ones who have chosen families . The short answer is no , chosen families can be for anyone of any background who desires to connect through kinship bonds with others who are not or individuals . The chosen family can meet or supplement needs not sufficiently met by the biological or otherwise traditionally structured family . In some cases , people are ostracized from their family of origin and are denied a sense of belonging . Others may be living away from . 2019 ) The SAGE encyclopedia , family , and couples counseling . SAGE Reference .

CONNECTION i 153 their biological families due to schooling , immigration , employment , legal restrictions , migration or other sons . While anyone can have a chosen family , it is important to understand why we have them and how they are how they can be seen through the lenses of love , and equity . Licenses and Open Content , Shared Previously Figure . by Priscilla Du . License license . Open Content , Original Figure . hierarchy of needs compared to the First Nations perspective . License BY 40 . Based on research from Rethinking Learning by Barbara Bray .

154 I LOVE AND FORMATION LOVE AND UNION FORMATION Elizabeth Pearce Love and Union Formation Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength , while loving someone deeply gives you Tzu , Philosopher Relationships represent the excitement , passion , security , and connection we experience they also represent the sadness , heartbreak , insecurities , violence , and loneliness we at times . Close relationships , such as those with a or spouse , are highly associated with health and recovery from disease . In studies of various forms of cancer , including breast cancer , having one or more decreased the likelihood and frequency As a social species , intimate relationships are a fundamental aspect of our life . Fig . Talking . 1995 ) Social support and survival among women with breast cancer . Cancer , 76 ( doi ( 631 .

LOVE AND 155 of Love ove is a multidimensional concept Fig 55 Hugging and psychologists and sociologists have it in a variety of ways over the years . Here we look at two that describe varying kinds of love within intimate relationships . Fig Waking John Lee was a Canadian psychologist who has a theory on Lee Theory of Love love including six love types . Lee assumed that we all shared six core of love and that our current loving relationship can be assessed and measured . Lee also claimed that there are qualities of love more and supportive of relationships and some cal and defective which inhibit relationships . Lee love types are widely used to help people understand their love styles . Lee claimed that six types of love comprised our loving experiences . Eros Eros is the love of sensuality sex , taste , touch , sight , hearing , and smell . Eros love is often what we feel when turned on . Eros love is neither good nor bad it is simply part of the overall love composite we experience with another person . is the love of your best friend in a normal casual context of life . is calm and peaceful , surprising to some who might have simply hung out together at one point but suddenly discovered that their friendship deepened and became more important than other friendships . We started needing to be together , talking on the phone for hours , and missing each other when apart , are common descriptions of love . is the love of details and qualities in the other person . lovers are and attracted by the other because of their characteristics ( athleticism , intelligence , wealth ) lovers feel love at a rational to a certain degree about the good deal .

156 LOVE AND Agape is the love that is , and seeks to serve others rather than receive from others . In Christian theology it the love of God for mankind . is an immature love that is more of a tease than a legitimate loving relationship . lovers trick their mates into believing that they are sincerely in love , while grooming , or even other lovers at the same time . lovers typically stroke their sense by playing a cruel game on their lovers who end up feeling used and betrayed . Mania Mania is an insecure love that is a mixture of conflict and romantic Eros expressions . Manic lovers fear abandonment and are simultaneously by the vulnerabilities they feel when intimate with their lover . Thus , their daily routines typically involve extreme highs and lows including arguing , making love , talking , and with their lovers .

LOVE AND UNION FORMATION I 157 Fig . LOVE . Robert Triangular Theory of Love Robert was the Geometry of Love psychologist who triangulated love using intimacy , passion , and commitment by measuring the intensity of each and how intense the triangulation was For the couple . To it was important to consider how each partner triangle matched the other partner . He said that a couple all three types of love balanced , and in magnitude , would have a rare yet rewarding type of love that encompassed much ofwhat couples seek in a loving relationship . consummate love is a love type that had equal measures of passion , intimacy , and commitment that is satisfactory to both lovers . In modern day applications of love , various components have been found as the ingredients of love , passion , friendship , trust , loyalty , affections , intimacy , acceptance , caring , concern , care , infatuation , and romance . There is a love type identified that many people are aware of called unconditional love . Unconditional love is the sincere love that does not vary regardless of the actions of the person who is loved . You often hear it expressed in greater measure among parents of children whose embarrass

158 LOVE AND UNION or disappoint them . The love types and patterns discussed below are taken from many sources , but neatly into the Lee , or Chapman paradigms . Romance Romantic love is based on continual courtship and physical intimacy . Romantic lovers continue to date long after they marry or move in together . They often express the strong sexual attraction to each other that was there from the beginning . Romantic lovers are idealistic about their relationship and often feel that it was tined to be . They often mundane activities such as grocery shopping or commuting to work as escapades of two lovers . Infatuation What happens when very young people feel love for the time ?

What is puppy love or infatuation ?

tion is a temporary state of love where the other person is overly idolized and seen in narrow and extremely terms . An infatuated person might think obsessively about the other , may feel a strong emotional response when they are together , may see their entire world as revolving around the other , may see them being together for the rest of their lives , may one or two qualities of the other as being near perfect , or may be seen by ers as having a crush on the other person . Regardless of the details rarely last very long . This love develops quickly much like a launches quickly into the night sky , puts on an emotional light show , then burns out quickly . Many puppy love or infatuation as an immature love experienced by those who are younger and perhaps a bit credulous . Commitment Committed love is a love that is loyal and devoted . Two lovers may share committed love with or without ical affection , romance , friendship , trust , loyalty , acceptance , caring , concern , care , and or tion . Committed lovers have a history with one another and typically combine , concern for one another , and spending much time thinking of the other . Committed lovers are there when needed by the other person . Altruism Altruism is a type of love that serves others while not serving the one who is altruistic . True altruism is hard to , according to some . Mothers who tend their sick child throughout the night fathers who work decades in a job they don love to provide for their family and even who their safety to save the lives of others are all considered to be altruistic in their actions . Because so much of what we do in our relationships is considered in the larger overall equation of the fairness in a relationship , acts can be seen

LOVE AND UNiON FORMATiON 159 as acts which either build a reservoir of goodwill which will later be repaid or creating a debt of sorts in which the other person owes you some service in return . Passion Sexual or passionate lovers are focused on the intensely sensual pleasures that are found with the senses of taste , smell , touch , feel , hear , and sight . Sexual lovers lust one another and feel closest when together and being ical . Sexual lovers can be together for minutes , days , weeks , or years , but sexual love , by itself is typically . There is closeness during sex and activities leading up to sex , but not much thereafter . Sexual love when combined with other love types can be very to the couple . Sexual love is almost always the love type experienced by those having an affair . Friendship Friendship love includes intimacy and trust among close friends . Today , most or enduring love types form among people who were close friends . Friendship lovers tend to enjoy each other company , conversation , and daily interactions . They consider one another to be friends when advice is needed or when problems need to be talked about together . Not all friendship lovers become a couple . Many are just close or best friends . Yet many who spend the rest of their lives together will start out their relationship as friends . Realistic Love Criteria or realistic love is the love feelings you have when your list of a potential mate personal traits is met in the other person . For example , women often desire their male love companions to be taller . People often desire to a partner with assortative traits ( same religion , political leanings , hobbies , Obsession Obsessive love is an unhealthy love type where conflict and dramatic extremes in the relationship are both the goal and the theme of the couple love . Obsessive lovers live for storms and peace while they rage . They are often violent or overly aggressive at different levels . Sometimes couples bring complimentary traits to the relationship which light the other of madness . In other words , she may be angry and violent with him , but not with some other males . He may feel simultaneously drawn to her and repulsed , but not with other females . Their contributes to the insanity and lack of peace . These couples most likely need professional counseling and would probably be better off if they broke up . At the same time , why would they seek help or leave the person whose entanglements bring them such an occupation with drama and that they are freed from their boredom and entertained at the same time ?

i LOVE AND UNION on Union The factors related to the selection of the people that we are emotionally or physically intimate with are complex and nuanced . The spirit of this textbook is to aspire to discuss this topic in a way that recognizes the diversity of family formations in the United States . Here we will do our best to identify some of the shared that affect human beings who choose a mate for a relationship . In order to organize our own thinking we name and label things to better understand the world around us . As our society changes and expands , descriptions and labels come more slowly , creating cultural lag and ing disconnection . For example , marriage was once between only a man and a woman . It is now legally that this is a limiting description that is not representative of our nation unions . In addition , couples have formed via marriage or cohabitation throughout our country history . We will use the terms partnerships , relationships , and union formations to include all couple relationships , including marriage . When specific research has focused only on married relationships rather than the broader spectrum , we will use the term Within our text , we acknowledge and celebrate all relationships that may have mixed legal , religious , or community acceptance . Here we will explore the ways that kinship groups and society our selection of a primary mate or mates . In addition , we will review the Social Exchange Theory . Fig . Romantic couple . Family Experiences , Values . and . is an expression of love among Expectations multiple intimate partners . How we choose the people we connect with is influenced by our family experiences , values , and expectations . It is common for adults to communicate and mold these with their young children . For example , a parent makes a comment about their having a boyfriend or girlfriend . And in another comment about marriage , assumes that that child will marry , and that it will be to a person of the opposite der in a binary system . Within the rules and structure of our family of origin , children navigate crucial social experiences that will affect mate selection and relationship dynamics . Young children are most by the world that is both tangible and current . Socialization theory suggests that many of our ideas about

LOVE AND 161 behaviors are formed for life during our early childhood years . Our family of origin impacts how we orient to particular family themes , identity images , and myths that further delineate and who is an . intimate partner 118 . Assortative Mating When you consider your current mate , or any intimate partners that you seek , are they more like you or quite different from you ?

The idea of assortative mating , simply put , is that human beings tend to choose intimate mates who are more like themselves than if mates were assigned randomly . As it turns out , do as well , but that another story ) The ways in which we might choose partners are quite wide and varied , but can be divided very loosely into two categories the physical and the social . Height and appearance both into the physical gory in this text we will focus more on the social categories which include culture , ethnicity , religion , tion , and socioeconomic In particular , education level has become an increasingly assortative factor within union formations in the United States . Between the 1940 and the 1980 education increased as an assortative factor until it leveled off for those with higher education degrees . It continues to increase for those without a high school degree , While the patterns in assortative and relationships have been studied , it is challenging to determine the underlying reasons for this behavior . Because income level is increasingly associated with higher education , this pattern interacts with the trends in socioeconomic status in this country and may contribute to the cycle of poverty . It is important to note that this change affects the current generations in ways that we don yet completely understand . Millennials ( or Gen ) and Gen ( or ) are coping with the increased importance of education to income and status at the same time that college costs and student debt have increased dramatically . How this affects union formation and other family patterns remains to be seen . Based on what is known about couples wanting to be stable before marrying , it is likely that the trend of marrying less and marrying later will continue . The Evolving Economy and Social Movements Economics and social change affect personal choices about unions , but they also influence the way the role of mate , partner , or spouse is . In the early days of this country , and indeed before the formation of the United States , both Native families and settlers relied on their kinship and family groupings for . Anderson , 2011 ) Family interaction A developmental perspective ( ed ) Bacon . Assortative mating . 2020 ) Wikipedia . Retrieved March , 2020 , from . 2017 , March ) Educational assortative mating and household income . Federal Reserve Bank of New York .

162 i LOVE AND UNiON FORMATiON survival . Native families lived in tribes that shared spiritual beliefs and resources . Extended kin networks were , and still are , critical to the stability of the community families were large , with an emphasis on mate selection that would ensure as much stability and likelihood of survival . Fertility was valued because children were seen as assets in the shared family work , Love as a rationale for marriage was disdained feelings might change and a marriage built on instability could threaten Fig . Industrialization and other economic change influence union formations and patterns . As the country industrialized , roles became more gender men tended to work in the factories and women more likely managed the home and children . This is known as the development of separate spheres , Deer , A . 2008 ) Sharing our stories Native women surviving violence . Press . 2000 ) Historical perspectives on family studies . Journal of Marriage and Family , 62 (

LOVE AND UNION 163 an idea that has persisted , though weakened , into the A growing economy and more family patterns contributed to stability and a decreased focus on survival . It was still important to consider in a partnership , but romance , sexual companionship , and love also became expectations of intimate and marriage relationships . Family size decreased dramatically as both child mortality decreased and the White middle class evolved . Children and women in groups continued to contribute to the family income . Labor laws protected most children who were White . Important social programs such as the Social Security Act of 1935 excluded domestic and agricultural workers , who were primarily immigrants and people of color . It is important to note that the idealized version of a sparkling house , meals , and wife and mother who volunteered at her child school was maintained via the assistance of other workers in the home , usually members of groups . In families that were not protected and privileged by government programs , survival was and is still paramount . Fig . Economic changes along with social movements and protests have a surprising effect on ships , union formations , and . The economy in the United States had steadily improved over centuries , but between the 19705 and the sent , the country has experienced increased periods of stability and periods of recession . Social movements and technological changes in the same time frame have contributed to structural and social broadening of the role definition of partner . The Feminist Movements , Civil Rights Movements , and Movements have all the ways in which individuals define themselves and therefore how we select mates . Interracial and couplings have existed long before they were openly discussed and eventually legalized . But it is clear that legal and social acceptance have increased the visibility and likely the number as well . The public changes in acceptance of relationships that are interracial or are important to note when it comes to the discussion of assortative above . Lewis , 2019 , September 11 ) Separate spheres for men and women .

164 i LOVE AND UNiON FORMATiON Technological advances such as the automobile , household appliances , and the computer all . The car makes it more possible for couples to meet up and have privacy and household appliances increase time availability for other parts of life including partner , friend , and family relationships . Computers , the internet , and phones all facilitate communication and connection in a variety of ways . To read more about digital media and relationships , this article can be accessed via vour account and the same article is able on From Dating to An Overview and Family Shaped ( 2107 ) Individualism and The United States is an individualistic country and in the same time period that has seen increased social movements , we have also seen an increase in individualism that must affect our most intimate relationships . While we continue to see marriage as an economic partnership , as well as a source of romance , sex , and , there is now an additional expectation on these relationships . The marriage relationship has absorbed the value of Americans and personal happiness . This adds even more pressure to the mating partnership , and may contribute to the decrease in stability and length of The Social Exchange Theory The Social Exchange Theory , as described in the Theories and Dispositions chapter , is applicable here . A son might be attracted to someone based on their first impressions , such as , They re cute and have a sense of humor that matches After observing them longer , someone might say , But they also shirk their work in The Social Exchange Theory says that we evaluate relationships based on looking at the person and their costs to decide if we would want to enter a relationship with them . And what do we have to offer in exchange ( our own advantages and costs ) This theory emphasizes the implicit agreements that exchange when they enter a relationship . What is Traditional ?

We have been socialized to think of the White nuclear family living the American Dream as the ideal representation of family within the United States . This socially constructed ideal has been based on heterosexual norms . This is something that should not be quickly disregarded as it has shaped and people thinking , even if they do not feel a part of these ideals . Finkel , Hui , Larson , 2014 ) The suffocation Climbing mount without enough oxygen . Psychological , 25 (

LOVE AND UNION FORMATION I 165 . at Fig . Today couples use both traditional symbols and postmodern choices in their weddings . What is Unique ?

Social change and advances in technology make us more aware of diversity in families . But this diversity has always existed amongst Native families and the immigrant groups that have brought differing family structures and norms to the United States . American families are as diverse as the people who live here . It is important to understand that as a nation , we have many similarities in regards to our experiences , values , and expectations . We also have differences . We have described here some of the institutional forces and theoretical ideas about how individuals enter into amorous relationships , but also acknowledged that each relationship is unique , complex , and nuanced in ways that are indescribable in writing . Licenses and Open Content , Shared Previously

166 LOVE AND FORMATION Theories of Love is adapted from Health Education by Garrett . License BY . Adaptations Terms replaced . in ure 53 . Must be love by . License . in ure . Couple by . License lab ' in ure 56 . love ' by 07 . License . in ure . File Polyamory by . ure 58 . Indian Romantic Couple by . License BY . in ' in ure . Photo by Patrick . License license . ure . Recession Recovery by . License BY 20 . Take Back the Night by Marcus is licensed under . II ) ure 511 . Photo by i . License license . ure . Photo by Drucker The Gender Spectrum Collection . License

A WORD ABOUT 167 A ABOUT MARRIAGE Elizabeth Pearce We like to talk about marriage as a subset of all romantic and love relationships . And we like to ask you , the reader , to think about the role of marriage in society . Fig . Love is expressed in many ways marriage is one expression . Here are a set of statements about the role of marriage in the United States . Marriage is a social construction something that people have agreed is a unit of importance that has changed in meaning and function over time and location . Marriage is a status symbol even though people are marrying less it is still important . Marriage is an institution that serves a critical function in society . People marry for so many reasons and in differing ways that it is difficult to say what it means or why people marry .

168 I ABOUT Do you agree with some of these statements ?

Which ones and why ?

If you wrote your own statement about marriage and society and what would it say ?

Fig . People have different ideas about the role of marriage in the United States . Each of these statements resonates with one of the perspectives that has been presented in this text . The first one represents the central idea of this text that many familial operations and structures are social that we have as a society and that have changed over time and could change some more . The other three statements each one of the theories described in the Theories and Dispositions Chapter . Table is an excerpt from the table you first saw in Studying Families . Can you match statements , and to the theory it represents ?

Can you create a statement about marriage that represents the theory that you most compelling ?

A WORD ABOUT MARRIAGE I 169 Table . Foundational theories related to the study of families . Theory Major Principles Opposition , power , and conflict within the family and society are needed for society to develop and change Individuals are part of a group of concentric systems that impact their development and growth . aka Individuals have different strengths , resources and weaknesses and enter into relationships via the ) evaluation and costs . Feminism ( aka Society is structured in a way that privileges men over women the theory Works to understand and to Feminist ) transform inequalities . Functionalism Social institutions function together in order to meet individual and group needs . Hierarch of . Individuals meet one set in order to be motivated and able to achieve other needs . ee Lif social and historical events shape the trajectories cohorts and the individuals in ou se them . Postmodern . aka Choice and individuality are emphasized in the postmodern era . Humans are able to act in the way . they choose with society and within institutions . Modernity ) This theory focuses on the changing nature and the ways we interact with one another . lit ti based on those symbols . Humans see themselves through the eyes and this affects the roles ac they play . The author of the text used previously in this class , Andrew is an expert in marriage in the United States . He has written extensively for decades about how marriage functions in our society , and his viewpoint on the role it plays . He describes the three eras of marriage in the United States in this way ' Marriage as an institution which was the most common among settlers from the time of arrival in what became this country until the century . In institutionalized marriage roles were clearly between the man and the woman in the pursuit of economic and familial ' Companionate marriage emerged as the economy in the United States improved and one spouse ( ally the man ) worked away from the home and separate spheres emerged . While roles were still well , the importance companionship , love , affection and sex were all added to the expectation of . 2004 ) The ofAmerican marriage . and Family , 66 (

170 I A ABOUT nomic ' Individualistic marriage evolved with the continued economic growth and the increase in women equality and the expansion of gender roles for men , women , and the role . VERY DEAR TO ME . GAY MARRIAGE . AS I IKE CALL IT , BECAUSE I HAD LUIS THIS . NUT GAY . I PARKED MY CAR DID GAY PARK IT . ii ' Fig . Marriage amongst same sex couples is one example ofthe movement beyond institutionalized marriage . Licenses and Parenting and work within a marriage were more likely to be shared . Both partners are expected to be more expressive and . The role of support and encouragement in helping your spouse to become their best selves is added to the growing list of expectations for marriage To learn more about marriage and cohabitation currently in the United States , review this report from Pew Research Center , which reports on social and demographic trends , You can read about what the current statistics are as well as how individuals view and experience marriage and cohabitation . Remember that marriage is one way of building a family or ship group . As you continue to read this text , we encourage you to think critically about what marriage means to your own family and to society and what role it should play . Open Content , Shared Previously Figure . Love and Marriage 2981366 by . License . Figure . Photo by . License license . Figure . gay marriage by . License .

HOW DOES THE GOVERNMENT UNIONS 171 HOW DOES THE GOVERNMENT INFLUENCE UNIONS ?

Elizabeth Pearce As discussed in the Social Construction of Families chapter , these authors believe that each person is the master of their own social and family identities . Social institutions , however , also family via rights , and taxes . While the federal government leaps to mind as the arbiter of family for taxation and purposes , state and local governments are the primary legislators of family law and mediators of familial relationships . This was an intentional decision made during the formation of the United States of America that states and local municipalities be the governors of matters related to the family . It is only when there is enough disruption amongst the states that matters of the family rise to the national level a good example is that when many highly differentiated laws related to marriage created inequities for families within states and disruption for families who moved from state to state . The 2015 Supreme Court that the right to marry is fundamental and must be available to all couples created consistency in marriage law . In addition to government entities , institutions such as employers , schools , and insurance companies all have the authority to family within certain parameters and to limit such as sick leave , insurance , and pension . We know that these institutions impact the resources and that families receive based on their structure and legal ties to one another . One question is , how do these varied , policies and practices affect partner and family formation and ?

Whom we connect with , love , ent , marry , and divorce affects our access to resources in ways that are inequitable . The complexity of factors in choosing a partner ( or in forming a family is difficult to analyze and study . Here , we will talk about how institutional policies and practices may play a role in those decisions . Federal Student Aid and student loans , Medicaid and Medicare , Social Security and Income Taxes , Immigration law , Military Housing Policies and Health Care Insurance all rely on of partner and family structures in order to assign taxes , rights , privileges , and . Federal Student Aid and Loans Let start with what might be most familiar to the reader Federal Student Aid and loans . Whether or not you . Hodges , 576 644 ( 2015 )

172 HOW DOES THE GOVERNMENT INFLUENCE ?

have for federal grants and loans , the system affects you and the authors expect that you know this quite well . The Aid system makes some assumptions about families first that parents will always pay for the education of their children , if the children are younger than 24 years . Conversely , they consider a child who is 24 years or older to be independent and that their parents will not be contributing to their education . Making this distinction leads to the government considering the parents income and accumulated wealth when it comes to awarding aid , but only when students are younger than 24 years . Right away we can see some and inequities in this regulation . Some parents will pay for education regardless of the child age others will not . Some families have accumulated wealth over generations of privilege others may have gone without to set aside savings for a health care crisis or retirement . All wealth is not created equally ) This rule does not recognize the nuances of the relationship or the privilege and oppression that contributes to the attainment of wealth and savings . The Federal Aid system also differentiates between married couples and or common law . It presumes that a married couple combines their resources and that a couple does not so marrying a partner who has a higher income will likely lessen a aid award , while with them will not . Student debt is becoming an increasingly common issue for graduates and for people who do not complete a degree . College costs have increased dramatically in the past forty years , and student debt rates have followed . Does student debt the likelihood of marriage ?

Since many wish to be stable before rying , it is possible . Anecdotal reports and news stories indicate that people are delaying marriage based on dent debt loads . Studying this is complicated , but one demographic review found that women were more likely to put of marriage when they had student loans to Social Security and Income Taxes Income taxes and Social Security are heavily dependent on the institutional marriage of the , the model . Couples were more homogeneous at that time likely to marry early and stay married longer , with men typically earning more or much of the income . Both the federal income tax system and the Social Security systems evolved over the century to correct what was ered to be the most common gender injustice that many women made less money than their spouses . These systems failed to take into account the racial injustice of the times when Social Security was in 1935 it excluded all domestic and farm workers who were primarily Black people and immigrants . Both groups were added in the . A . 2014 ) Do student loans delay marriage ?

Debt repayment and family formation in young adulthood . Demographic Research , 30 , HOW DOES THE GOVERNMENT 173 Fig . Although union formations are more diverse today , many government benefits and tax systems are based on a specific model of marriage . Much has been discussed about the marriage bonus and the marriage penalty , meaning that some couples from marrying and some couples pay more taxes when they marry . The federal and state systems have changed over the years but face what is called the trilemma by tax experts systems can not simultaneously impose progressive marginal tax rates , assess equal taxes on married couples with equal earnings , and tain marriage neutrality ( meaning that married and unmarried couples pay the same amount of taxes ) The net result from the trilemma is that married couples whose individual incomes are comparable pay more in taxes than a couple whose incomes are dramatically different Both Social Security , with its survivor emphasis , and Income Taxes focus on the marriage ideal from the last century one spouse ( usually male ) who earns most of the family income , and a spouse ( usually female ) But this has not been the norm for over 50 years , and many argue that these systems need to . 2013 ) Updating the welfare state Marriage , the income tax , and social security in the age of individualism . Tax Law Review , 66 ,

174 I HOW DOES THE GOVERNMENT INFLUENCE UNiONS ?

catch up . As explained by the Postmodern Theory , choice and individuality are emphasized in today . Diverse relationships are accepted more readily and marriages are less assortative in most ways . Marriage is declining people wait longer to marry , are less likely to marry , and stay married for fewer years . Couples are more likely to have equal rather than disparate individual incomes . All of these factors point to the inadequacy of the current systems and raise the question about whether these policies people choice to marry or otherwise partner up . Medicaid and Medicare Let review general definitions of each of these programs , which are frequently confused . Medicare is federally funded health insurance for people who are aged 65 or older , some younger people with disabilities , and people with renal disease . Medicaid also provides health care coverage , in this case for eligible adults , children , pregnant women , elderly adults and people with disabilities . To read about who and how to qualify , review these government websites ' Like income taxes and social security , these government programs are built on a marriage model . This model presumes shared incomes and budgets for married households , and separate budgets for people who live together and are related in other ways , such as friendship , cohabitation , or blood ties . Chronic disease and acute injuries can lead to staggering bills , even for families who have private or public health insurance , and this is a major contributor to bankruptcy , loss of home , remaining in poverty , and other crises . Eligibility for Medicare and Medicaid can not only save physical life , but economic and family stability . But is complicated . To learn about a classic dilemma that a family with a health crisis faces , listen to this 19 minute interview with Carol Levine . a public health professional who faced a personal and health crisis when her husband was in a devastating car accident . As you listen , ask yourself , what would you do in a similar situation ?

And how does this relate to love , health equity , partnership and the institution of marriage ?

Marital status affects Military Policies access to Medicare and Medicaid . The branches of the military which include the Army , Marine Corps , Navy , Air Force , and the Coast Guard are HOW DOES THE GOVERNMENT UNIONS 175 funded by the federal government . As the employer , the federal government has particular policies that apply to families . Two of the most well known apply to relationships , sexuality , and to marriage . For the majority of this nation military history , of the community have been from employment and service . This doesn mean that they didn serve , but they were stigmatized and hidden . The policy changed for the years between 1994 and 2011 , when the infamous rule Don Ask , Don Tell , Don Pursue ( Don Ask , Don Tell or ) was in effect . During this time , gay men , lesbian women , and bisexual people were permitted to be employed as long as Fig 517 recruitment poster 2019 they did not exhibit or talk about conduct that could be in these ways in addition others were from discriminating against or harassing them . The Don Pursue aspect of the regulation limited the investigations by superiors of members presumed to belong to the community . The law , which appeared to signify progress , still resulted in many members of the military experiencing stigma , stalled careers , discrimination , harassment , and violence . Multiple legal challenges were and it was eventually repealed . While the regulation has changed , stigma and harassment remain . Fanning , wrote this in the New York Times about his experience serving in the Army between 2011 and 2014 . The second week after I arrived at Fort Drum , my and only duty station with the Army I found death threats slipped under the door of my barracks room . I noticed the colors . Pink , blue and yellow strangely happy colors at odds with the words Written on them . Some were simple slurs and epithets written in thick black Sharpie , pressed so hard into the paper that it bled through . Faggot and queer fag , the notes read . A couple were more elaborate detailed descriptions ofwhat might happen to me ifI was caught alone , and proclamations about the wrongness of gays in the military The military is built on a foundation of earning trust and proving yourself to your peers and superiors as capable . Being new to a unit isn unlike being a new employee at any other job . People are cautious , even wary , until you Ve shown you can handle the Work . Perhaps it didn help that I Was an intelligence analyst in an infantryman world a support soldier in a combat soldier unit . But none ofthat had been mentioned in the notes . My capability wasn in question , nor was my duty position . It Wasn my effectiveness or Value to the unit that elicited these noxious notes but something far removed from my control . Something that after September 2011 was supposed to be The military has also been known for policies that incentivize marriage . In general , single members of the armed forces live in barracks with a large group of colleagues . Married members , in contrast , live in military housing that more closely mimic suburban neighborhoods . In addition , there is a housing allowance that goes along with this privilege , resulting in married military members earning more salary and . This tive is provided by the military in order to support and stabilize families who are frequently moving and have

176 I HOW DOES THE GOVERNMENT INFLUENCE ?

less predictable work schedules than other government positions . Could this contribute to marriages made for reasons ?

yes , there are many stories that support this theory . When taken in tion with the prohibition of people service , it could also serve as a double incentive a way to avert suspicion of unsanctioned sexuality as well as a financial gain . But getting married is a complex decision and it is difficult to attribute one as of life to bein the rima factor in married . I ' Immigration Law The history of immigration law is varied and complex and has favored different groups of families over time . In the most recent few years , law has changed rapidly . Here the authors will provide a few examples of the ways in which family status affects legal status and how recent and current laws affect families . For special attention to how family ties affect immigration , green card , and citizenship status , here are two good sources to read ' The Institute definitions , summaries , and overview of the line for green cards in 2019 Wait Times from Quotas Have Doubled Green Card Are Long Growing . and ' This case study about two immigrants who are scientific researchers and their children who have legal status , but who face deportation due to the delays in processing their applications segments Unpredictability about laws and status may affect partners decisions about union formation . Consider for yourself if your partner legal status changed , would it change your feelings about them ?

Would it change your plans to marry or to ?

Families who have been waiting for years or decades , as described in the cases above , for their status to be resolved face ongoing uncertainty and stress related to work and family . Consider the family that has some members who are citizens , and some who have green cards . Others may be waiting for resolution , perhaps approved for Deferred Action for Childhood Arrivals ( described in detail in the Justice chapter . My Mom Anonymous

HOW DOES THE GOVERNMENT INFLUENCE UNiONS ?

i 177 and Societal Stigma and categories are used to assign rights , privileges , and to individuals and families . policies grounded in these definitions are intertwined with status and stigma . For example , although and interracial marriages are now legal across the country , they still have levels of stigma associated with them , dependent on location . Cohabitation , even amongst White heterosexual couples , has less status than does marriage . Status and stigma can affect people socially and emotionally as well as economically . Other areas that families see the eFfects of government about partnerships and kinship groups include access to health care and health insurance , which is discussed in the Health Care chapter . As we wrap up this section about the impact of institutions on personal partnerships and relationships , what other examples have you experienced or observed ?

Relationship Health and Relationship Challenge While this course and text are primarily focused on how society , institutions , and kinship groups interact , we will spend a small amount of space here discussing the health of intimate relationships and what factors predict the longevity of the relationship . First , watch this podcast Relationships are Hard , but Why ?

by Therapist Stan .

178 I HOW DOES THE GOVERNMENT INFLUENCE UNIONS ?

One or more interactive elements has been excluded from this version of the text . You can View them online here ?

He talks about how our brains contribute to falling in love , and then how our communication styles can tribute to Feelings of being safe or being threatened within relationships . The half of 2020 has seen a of events the and related pandemic massive job loss , school closures and an economic downturn and the resurgence of the Black Lives Matter movement . These have affected families in many ways let look at two examples of how these trends and movements have uncovered challenges within intimate relationships . An August 2020 letter to advice columnist Carolyn , started out this way My husband and I disagree about covid precautions and have reached the point where we re constantly about it . I am more conservative and trying to have contact with only a few families I know are taking similar cautions . He exposing himself and his son , my stepson , to a lot more people , including one family that I believe does not take covid seriously . One child in this family had cold symptoms , and they refused to have him tested and continued to expose him to other kids . At my husband lied to me about seeing this family . After I found out , he said he Won lie anymore but is going to do what he wants As the writer continues and Carolyn responds , they both acknowledge that the extreme pandemic has exposed the husband willingness to lie and to disregard her feelings and needs . Carolyn emphasizes that this is not situation but actually uncovers a challenge in the relationship that must be addressed separately from the circumstance . She advises the letter writer that she has several options couples counseling to see if the husband is willing to change this behavior , leaving the marriage , or to choose to stay knowing that she is not able to fully trust him . 2020 , August 22 ) will one day subside , but lying is relationship cancer . Washington Post . I

HOW DOES THE GOVERNMENT 179 A very public example of a relationship challenge comes to us from the popular television franchise The Bachelor and The . Two former Bachelorette Leads , Rachel Lindsay ( Left , The , Season 13 ) and Becca ( Right , The Bachelorette , Season 14 ) host a podcast together , Bachelor Happy Hour . Lindsay met her husband on her season of the show and met her fiance . Both women make some portion of their livelihood as , as do each of their male partners . As the Black Lives Matter movement gained more notice , and additional White allies emerged , herself publicly as someone who wanted to become a more knowledgeable and active person in the racial Fig . Rachel Lindsay and Becca have tice movement . Simultaneously , her fiance , Garrett had lively dialogue about relationships and racism . posted Instagram images that presented his port of the competing Blue Lives Matter movement . discussed both her own personal development as well as the challenges she faced in her relationship on the podcast . If you like to listen to Rachel and Becca talk , listen to Race , Diversity , and Bachelor Nation , the June , 2020 episode . As of this writing , it appears that the two year relationship between and has ended . Families are under great pressure from the pandemic and economic stress . People of Color ( ence additional stress related to the public exposure of the disproportionate violence against Black people . In many cases , kinship groups are spending more time together , including those in intimate relationships . Values and belief system differences that may have been purposely hidden , or that were just implicitly undiscussable may be uncovered and affect relationships for the . If you like to know more about healthy relationships and which relationships are more likely to last , The Institute is a psychological research institute that studies couple interactions and nuances . In The Science of Love podcast , host Julian describes the work and of success in the relationships that they have studied , primarily heterosexual married couples . a One or more interactive elements has been excluded from this version of the text . You can View them online here ?

While the Institute is known for its research , as with many studies the majority of 180 HOW DOES THE GOVERNMENT couples are White and heterosexual . The did participate with Robert in a twelve year study of 21 gay and 21 lesbian couples . In an effort to study underrepresented populations as well as partnerships outside of marriage , they have acknowledged this weakness and are reaching out to people to tell their own relationship stories via a submission form on their website . You can participate here . Licenses and Open Content , Shared Previously Figure . Abraham Ring by Photography . License BY . Figure . Medicare by 401 2013 . License . Figure 517 . Military recruitment poster by US . Army . Public domain . All Rights Reserved Content Relationships Are Hard But Why ?

Stan ( Talks . License Standard YOuTube license . THE SECRET TO A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP ( LICENSE STANDARD YOUTUBE LICENSE . Figure 518 . Photo ( Bachelor Happy Hour . Used under fair use .

LOOKING AHEAD Nyssa We are a social species . Familial roles can be expanded beyond the perimeters of legal and regarded in a much broader sense that can include friendships , sexual relationships , social support , partnering and more . The people we interact with on a daily basis have been by many factors , including where we live , our socioeconomic status , and the attachments that we formed in early childhood . This complicated network of factors within our relationships contributes to societal disparities and inequities , a tor that we have strived to make more visible through this text . Fig . Gay Pride event Fig . Cuddling couple Kinship , partnerships , and familial relationships contribute to health benefits as described in the first section of this chapter . These interactions and connections also contribute to the joy and empathy of shared ence . Families and kinship groups come together to laugh , to reminisce , to learn , to compete , to build , and to play . Facing adversity together can strengthen ties and build purpose . Fig . Family reunion

182 LOOKING AHEAD We aspire to understand the ways , we celebrate and support the ove and joy that families can , maintain , and grow . Fig . Family Joy Licenses and Open Content , Shared Previously Figure 519 . Gay Pride by Dave Pitt . License . Figure . Interracial Couple by . License . Figure . Black Family Reunion 008 by Mark Berkeley Public School Photos . License . Figure . airtime for by by vlad . License Figure 523 . Family Reunion October 2011 374 by . License .